A further advantage of marriage is that there should be some one to take care of the house, cook the food, wash the dishes, and sweep the floor, etc. If a man is busy in such work he cannot acquire learning, or carry on his business, or engage in his devotions properly. For this reason Abu Suleiman has said, “ A good wife is not a blessing of this world merely, but of the next, because she provides a man leisure in which to think of the next world”; and one of the Caliph Omar’s sayings is, “ After faith, no blessing is equal to a good wife.”
Marriage has, moreover, this good in it, that to be patient with feminine peculiarities, to provide the necessaries which wives require, and to keep them in the path of the law, is a very important part of religion. The Prophet said, “ To give one’s wife the money she requires is more im¬ portant than to give alms.” Once, when Ibn 90 MARRIAGE AS A HELP OR HINDRANCE Mubarak was engaged in a campaign against the infidels, one of his companions asked him, “ Is any work more meritorious than religious war? ” “ Yes,” he replied: “ to feed and clothe one’s wife and children properly.” The celebrated saint Bishr Hafi said, “It is better that a man should work for wife and children than merely for himself.” In the Traditions it has been recorded that some sins can only be atoned for by enduring trouble for the sake of one’s family.
Concerning a certain saint it is related that his wife died and he would not marry again, though people urged him, saying it was easier to concentrate his thoughts in solitude. One night he saw in a dream the door of heaven opened and numbers of angels descending. They came near and looked upon him, and one said, “ Is this that selfish wretch? ” and his fellow answered, “ Yes, this is he.” The saint was too alarmed to ask whom they meant, but presently a boy passed and he asked him. “It is you they are speaking about,” replied the boy; “ only up to a week ago your good works were being re¬ corded in heaven along with those of other saints, but now they have erased your name from the roll.” Greatly disturbed in mind as soon as he awoke, he hastened to be married. From all the above considerations it will be seen that marriage is desirable.
DRAWBACKS TO MARRIAGE 91 We come now to treat of the drawbacks to marriage. One of these is that there is a danger, especially in the present time, that a man should gain a livelihood by unlawful means in order to support his family, and no amount of good works can compensate for this. The Prophet said that at the resurrection a certain man with a whole mountain load of good works will be brought forward and stationed near the Balance.1 He will then be asked, “ ‘ By what means did you support your family? ’ He will not be able to give a satisfactory answer, and all his good works will be cancelled, and proclamation will be made concerning him, ‘ This is the man whose family have devoured all his good deeds! ’ ” Another drawback to marriage is this, that to treat one’s family kindly and patiently and to bring their affairs to a satisfactory issue can only be done by those who have a good disposition. There is great danger lest a man should treat his family harshly, or neglect them, and so bring sin upon himself. The Prophet said: “ He who deserts his wife and children is like a runaway slave; till he returns to them none of his fasts or prayers will be accepted by God.” In brief, man has a lower nature, and, till he can control his own lower nature, he had better not assume the responsibility of controlling another’s. Some 1 The Mizan, or Balance for weighing good and evil deeds, which will be erected on the Judgment Day.
92 MARRIAGE AS A HELP OR HINDRANCE one asked the saint Bishr Hah why he did not marry. “ I am afraid,” he replied, “ of that verse in the Koran, ‘ The rights of women over men are precisely the same as the rights of men over women.’ ” A third disadvantage of marriage is that the cares of a family often prevent a man from con¬ centrating his thoughts on God and on a future life, and may, unless he is careful, lead to his destruction, for God has said, “ Let not your wives and children turn you away from remem¬ bering God.” He who thinks he can concen¬ trate himself better on his religious duties by not marrying had better remain single, and he who fears falling into sin if he does not marry, had better do so.
We now come to the qualities which should be sought in a wife. The most important of all is chastity. If a wife is unchaste, and her husband keeps silent, he gets a bad name and is hindered in his religious life; if he speaks, his life be¬ comes embittered; and if he divorces her, he may feel the pang of separation. A wife who is beautiful but of evil character is a great calamity; such a one had better be divorced. The Prophet said, “ He who seeks a wife for the sake of her beauty or wealth will lose both.”
The second desirable quality in a wife is a good disposition. An ill-tempered or ungrateful or loquacious or imperious wife makes existence THE QUALITY OF WOMEN 93 unbearable, and is a great hindrance to leading a devout life.
The third quality to be sought is beauty, as this calls forth love and affection. Therefore one should see a woman before marrying her. The Prophet said, “ The women of such a tribe have all a defect in their eyes; he who wishes to marry one should see her first.” The wise have said that he who marries a wife without seeing her is sure to repent it afterwards. It is true that one should not marry solely for the sake of beauty, but this does not mean that beauty should be reckoned of no account at all.
The fourth desirable point is that the sum paid by the husband as the wife’s marriage-portion should be moderate. The Prophet said, “ She is the best kind of wife whose marriage-portion is small, and whose beauty is great.” He him¬ self settled the marriage-portion of some women at ten dirhems,1 and his own daughters’ marriage- portions were not more than four hundred dirhems.
Fifthly, she should not be barren. “ A piece of old matting lying in the corner of the house is better than a barren wife.” 2 Other qualities in a desirable wife are these: she should be of a good stock, not married pre¬ viously, and not too nearly related to her husband.
1 The dirhem = about sixpence.
2 Saying of Muhammad.
94 MARRIAGE AS A HELP OR HINDRANCE Regarding the Observances of Marriage Marriage is a religious institution, and should be treated in a religious way, otherwise the mating of men and women is no better than the mating of animals. The Law enjoins that there should be a feast on the occasion of every marriage. When Abdurrahman Ibn Auf married, the Prophet said to him, “ Make a marriage-feast, even if you have only a goat to make it with.” When the Prophet himself celebrated his marriage with Safia he made a marriage-feast of dates and barley. It is also right that marriage should be accompanied with the beating of drums and of music, for man is the crown of creation.
Secondly, a man should remain on good terms with his wife. This does not mean that he should never cause her pain, but that he should bear any annoyance she causes him, whether by her unreasonableness or ingratitude, patiently. Woman is created weak, and requiring conceal¬ ment; she should therefore be borne with patiently, and kept secluded. The Prophet said, “ He who bears the ill-humour of his wife pati¬ ently will earn as much merit as Job did by the patient endurance of his trials.” On his death¬ bed also he was heard to say, “ Continue in prayer and treat your wives well, for they are your prisoners.” He himself used to bear pati¬ ently the tempers of his wives. One day Omar’s THE TREATMENT OF WIVES 95 wife was angry and scolded him. He said to her, “ Thou evil-tongued one, dost thou answer me back? ” She replied, “ Yes! the Lord of the prophets is better than thou, and his wives answer him back.” He replied, “ Alas for Hafsa [Omar’s daughter and Muhammad’s wife] if she does not humble herself ”; and when he met her he said, “ Take care not to answer the Prophet back.” The Prophet also said, “ The best of you is he who is best to his own family, as I am the best to mine.”
Thirdly, a man should condescend to his wife’s recreations and amusements, and not attempt to check them. The Prophet himself actually on one occasion ran races with his young wife Ayesha. The first time he beat her, and the second time she beat him. Another time he held her up in his arms that she might look at some performing negroes. In fact, it would be difficult to find any one who was so kind to his wives as the Prophet was to his. Wise men have said, “ A man should come home smiling and eat what he finds and not ask for anything he does not find.” However, he should not be over-indul¬ gent, lest his wife lose her respect for him. If he sees anything plainly wrong on her part, he should not ignore but rebuke it, or he will become a laughing-stock. In the Koran it is written, “ Men should have the upper hand over women,” and the Prophet said, “ Woe to the man who is 96 MARRIAGE AS A HELP OR HINDRANCE the servant of his wife,” for she should be his servant. Wise men have said, “ Consult women, and act the contrary to what they advise.” In truth there is something perverse in women, and if they are allowed even a little licence, they get out of control altogether, and it is difficult to reduce them to order again. In dealing with them one should endeavour to use a mixture of severity and tenderness, with a greater propor¬ tion of the latter. The Prophet said, “Woman was formed of a crooked rib; if you try to bend her, you will break her; if you leave her alone, she will grow more and more crooked; therefore treat her tenderly.”
As regards propriety, one cannot be too careful not to let one’s wife look at or be looked at by a stranger, for the beginning of all mischief is in the eye. As far as possible, she should not be allowed out of the house, nor to go on the roof, nor to stand at the door. Care should be taken, however, not to be unreasonably jealous and strict. The Prophet one day asked his daughter Fatima, “ What is the best thing for women? ” She answered, “ They should not look on strangers, nor strangers on them.” The Prophet was pleased at this remark, and embraced her, saying, “ Verily, thou art a piece of my liver! ” The Commander of the Faithful, Omar, said, “ Don’t give women fine clothes, for as soon as they have them they will want to go out of the 97 house.” In the time of the Prophet women had permission to go to the mosques and stand in the last row of the worshippers; but this was sub¬ sequently forbidden.
A man should keep his wife properly supplied with money, and not stint her. To give a wife her proper maintenance is more meritorious than to give alms. The Prophet said, “ Suppose a man spends one dinar 1 in religious war, another in ransoming a slave, a third in charity, and gives the fourth to his wife, the giving of this last surpasses in merit all the others put together.”
A man should not eat anything especially good by himself, or, if he has eaten it, he should keep silent about it and not praise it before his wife. It is better for husband and wife to eat together, if a guest be not present, for the Prophet said, “ When they do so, God sends His blessing upon them, and the angels pray for them.” The most important point to see to is that the supplies given to one’s wife are acquired by lawful means.
If a man’s wife be rebellious and disobedient, he should at first admonish her gently; if this is not sufficient he should sleep in a separate chamber for three nights. Should this also fail he may strike her, but not on the mouth, nor with such force as to wound her. Should she be remiss in her religious duties, he should manifest 1 About ten shillings.
7 98 MARRIAGE AS A HELP OR HINDRANCE his displeasure to her for an entire month, as the Prophet did on one occasion to all his wives.
The greatest care should be taken to avoid divorce, for, though divorce is permitted, yet God disapproves of it, because the very utterance of the word “ divorce ” causes a woman pain, and how can it be right to pain any one? When divorce is absolutely necessary, the formula for it should not be repeated thrice all at once, but on three different occasions.1 A woman should be divorced kindly, not through anger and con¬ tempt, and not without a reason. After divorce a man should give his former wife a present, and not tell others that she has been divorced for such and such a fault. Of a certain man who was instituting divorce-proceedings against his wife it is related that people asked him, “ Why are you divorcing her? 55 He answered, “I do not reveal my wife’s secrets.” When he had actually divorced her, he was asked again, and said, “ She is a stranger to me now; I have nothing to do with her private affairs.”
Hitherto we have treated of the rights of the wife over her husband, but the rights of the husband over the wife are even more binding. The Prophet said, “If it were right to worship any one except God, it would be right for wives to worship their husbands.” A wife should not 1 The formula for divorce has to be repeated thrice to make it complete.
THE RIGHTS OF HUSBANDS 99 boast of her beauty before her husband, she should not requite his kindness with ingratitude, she should not say to him, “ Why have you treated me thus and thus? ” The Prophet said, “ I looked into hell and saw many women there; I asked the reason, and received this reply, 4 Because they abused their husbands and were ungrateful to them.’ 55 CHAPTER VIII THE LOVE OF GOD The love of God is the highest of all topics, and is the final aim to which we have been tending hitherto. We have spoken of spiritual dangers as they hinder the love of God in a man’s heart, and we have spoken of various good qualities as being the necessary preliminaries to it. Human per¬ fection resides in this, that the love of God should conquer a man’s heart and possess it wholly, and even if it does not possess it wholly it should predominate in the heart over the love of all other things. Nevertheless, rightly to under¬ stand the love of God is so difficult a matter that one sect of theologians have altogether denied that man can love a Being who is not of his own species, and they have defined the love of God as consisting merely in obedience. Those who hold such views do not know what real religion is.
All Moslems are agreed that the love of God is a duty. God says concerning the believers, “ He loves them and they love Him,” 1 and the Prophet 1 Koran.
100 DEFINITION OF LOVE 101 said, “ Till a man loves God and His Prophet more than anything else he has not the right faith.” When the angel of death came to take the soul of Abraham the latter said, “ Have you ever seen a friend take his friend’s life? ” God answered him, “ Have you ever seen a friend unwilling to see his friend? ” Then Abraham said, “ 0 Azrael! take my soul! ” The following prayer was taught by the Prophet to his com¬ panions, “ 0 God, grant me to love Thee and to love those who love Thee, and whatsoever brings me nearer to Thy love, and make Thy love more precious to me than cold water to the thirsty.” Hassan Basri used to say, “ He who knows God loves Him, and he who knows the world hates it.”
We come now to treat of love in its essential nature. Love may be defined as an inclination to that which is pleasant. This is apparent in the case of the five senses, each of which may be said to love that which gives it delight; thus the eye loves beautiful forms, the ear music, etc. This is a kind of love we share with the animals. But there is a sixth sense, or faculty of perception, implanted in the heart, which animals do not possess, through which we become aware of spiritual beauty and excellence. Thus, a man who is only acquainted with sensuous delights cannot understand what the Prophet meant when he said he loved prayer more than perfumes or women, though the last two were also pleasant 102 THE LOVE OE GOD to him. But he whose inner eye is opened to behold the beauty and perfection of God will despise all outward sights in comparison, howT- ever fair they may be.
The former kind of man will say that beauty resides in red-and-white complexions, well-pro¬ portioned limbs, and so forth, but he will be blind to moral beauty, such as men refer to when they speak of such and such a man as possessing a “beautiful” character. But those possessed of inner perception find it quite possible to love the departed great, such as the Caliphs Omar and Abu Bakr, on account of their noble qualities, though their bodies have long been mingled wdth the dust. Such love is directed not towards any outward form, but towards the inner character. Even when we wash to excite love in a child to¬ wards any one, we do not describe their outward beauty of form, etc., but their inner excellencies.
When we apply this principle to the love of God we shall find that He alone is really worthy of our love, and that, if any one loves Him not, it is because he does not know Him. Whatever we love in any one we love because it is a reflection of Him. It is for this reason that we love Muham¬ mad, because he is the Prophet and the Beloved of God, and the love of learned and pious men is really the love of God. We shall see this more clearly if we consider what are the causes which excite love.
THE GIFT OF GOD 103 The first cause is this, that man loves himself and the perfection of his own nature. This leads him directly to the love of God, for man’s very existence and man’s attributes are nothing else but the gift of God, but for whose grace and kindness man would never have emerged from behind the curtain of non-existence into the visible world. Man’s preservation and eventual attainment to perfection are also entirely de¬ pendent upon the grace of God. It would indeed be a wonder, if one should take refuge from the heat of the sun under the shadow of a tree and not be grateful to the tree, without which there would be no shadow at all. Precisely in the same way, were it not for God, man would have no existence nor attributes at all; wherefore, then, should he not love God, unless he be ignorant of Him? Doubtless fools cannot love Him, for the love of Him springs directly from the knowledge of Him, and whence should a fool have knowledge?
The second cause of this love is that man loves his benefactor, and in truth his only Benefactor is God, for whatever kindness he receives from any fellow-creature is due to the immediate in¬ stigation of God. Whatever motive may have prompted the kindness he receives from another, whether the desire to gain religious merit or a good name, God is the Agent who set that motive to work.
The third cause is the love that is aroused by 104 THE LOVE OF GOD contemplation of the attributes of God, His power and wisdom, of which human power and wisdom are but the feeblest reflections. This love is akin to that we feel to the great and good men of the past, such as the Imam Malik and the Imam Shaft,1 though we never expect to receive any personal benefits from them, and is therefore a more disinterested kind of love. God said to the prophet David, “ That servant is dearest to Me who does not seek Me from fear of punishment or hope of reward, but to pay the debt due to My Deity.” And in the Psalms it is written, “ Who is a greater transgressor than he who worships Me from fear of hell or hope of heaven? If I had created neither, should I not then have deserved to be worshipped? ” The fourth cause of this love is the affinity between man and God, wffiich is referred to in the saying of the Prophet, “ Verily God created man in His own likeness.” Furthermore, God has said, “ My servant seeks proximity to Me, that I may make him My friend, and when I have made him My friend I become his ear, his eye, his tongue.” Again, God said to Moses, “ I was sick, and thou didst not visit Me? ” Moses replied, “ 0 God! Thou art Lord of heaven and earth: how couldest Thou be sick? ” God said, “ A certain servant of Mine was sick; hadst thou visited him, thou wouldst have visited Me.”
1 Founders of the sects which bear their names.
AFFINITY BETWEEN GOD AND MAN 105 This is a somewhat dangerous topic to dwell upon, as it is beyond the understanding of common people, and even intelligent men have stumbled in treating of it, and come to believe in incarna¬ tion and union with God. Still, the affinity which does exist between man and God disposes of the objection of those theologians mentioned above, who maintain that man cannot love a Being who is not of his own species. However great the distance between them, man can love God because of the affinity indicated in the saying, “ God created man in His own likeness.”
The Vision of God All Moslems profess to believe that the Vision of God is the summit of human felicity, because it is so stated in the Law; but with many this is a mere lip-profession which arouses no emotion in their hearts. This is quite natural, for how can a man long for a thing of which he has no knowledge? We will endeavour to show briefly why the Vision of God is the greatest happiness to which a man can attain.
In the first place, every one of man’s faculties has its appropriate function which it delights to fulfil. This holds good of them all, from the lowest bodily appetite to the highest form of intellectual apprehension. But even a com¬ paratively low form of mental exertion affords 106 THE LOVE OF GOD greater pleasure than the satisfaction of bodily appetites. Thus, if a man happens to be absorbed in a game of chess, he will not come to his meal, though repeatedly summoned. And the higher the subject-matter of our knowledge, the greater is our delight in it; for instance, we would take more pleasure in knowing the secrets of a king than the secrets of a vizier. Seeing, then, that God is the highest possible object of knowledge, the knowledge of Him must afford more delight than any other. He who knows God, even in this world, dwells, as it were, in a paradise, “ the breadth of which is as the breadth of the heavens and the earth,” 1 a paradise the fruits of which no envy can prevent him plucking, and the extent of which is not narrowed by the multitude of those who occupy it.
But the delight of knowledge still falls short of the delight of vision, just as our pleasure in thinking of those we love is much less than the pleasure afforded by the actual sight of them. Our imprisonment in bodies of clay and water, and entanglement in the things of sense constitute a veil which hides the Vision of God from us, although it does not prevent our attaining to some knowledge of Him. For this reason God said to Moses on Mount Sinai, “ Thou shalt not see Me.” 2 The truth of the matter is this, that, just as the 1 Koran. 2 Ibid.
IN MANY MIRRORS 107 seed of man becomes a man, and a buried date- stone becomes a palm-tree, so the knowledge of God acquired on earth will in the next world change into the Vision of God, and he who has never learnt the knowledge will never have the Vision. This Vision will not be shared alike by all who know, but their discernment of it will vary exactly as their knowledge. God is one, but He will be seen in many different ways, just as one object is reflected in different ways by different mirrors, some showing it straight, and some distorted, some clearly and some dimly. A mirror may be so crooked as to make even a beautiful form appear misshapen, and a man may carry into the next world a heart so dark and distorted that the sight which will be a source of peace and joy to others will be to him a source of misery. He, in whose heart the love of God has prevailed over all else, will derive more joy from this vision than he in whose heart it has not so prevailed; just as in the case of two men with equally powerful eyesight, gazing on a beautiful face, he who already loves the possessor of that face will rejoice in beholding it more than he who does not. For perfect happi¬ ness mere knowledge is not enough, unaccom¬ panied by love, and the love of God cannot take possession of a man’s heart till it be purified from love of the world, which purification can only be effected by abstinence and austerity.
108 THE LOVE OF GOD While lie is in this world a man’s condition with regard to the Vision of God is like that of a lover who should see his Beloved’s face in the twilight, while his clothes are infested with hornets and scorpions, which continually torment him. But should the sun arise and reveal his Beloved’s face in all its beauty, and the noxious vermin leave off molesting him, then the lover’s joy will be like that of God’s servant, who, released from the twilight and the tormenting trials of this world, beholds Him without a veil. Abu Suleiman said, 44 He who is busy with himself now will be busy with himself then, and he who is occupied with God now will be occupied vrith Him then.”