confound them. But I will write of this another time. I am glad you are rid of your ague, and Pilia too. While bread and provisions are being put on board, I am going off to my estate at Pompeii. Please thank Vettienus for his trouble. If you can find a messenger, give me a letter before I leave.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in Cumano prid. Id. Mai. a. 705_] Commodum ad te dederam litteras de pluribus rebus, cum ad me bene mane Dionysius fuit. Cui quidem ego non modo placabilem me praebuissem, sed totum remisissem, si venisset, qua mente tu ad me scripseras.
Erat enim sic in tuis litteris, quas Arpini acceperam, eum venturum facturumque, quod ego vellem. Ego volebam autem vel cupiebam potius esse eum nobiscum. Quod quia plane, cum in Formianum venisset, praeciderat, asperius ad te de eo scribere solebam. At ille perpauca locutus hanc summam habuit orationis, ut sibi ignoscerem; se rebus suis impeditum nobiscum ire non posse. Pauca respondi, magnum accepi dolorem, intellexi fortunam ab eo nostram despectam esse. Quid quaeris?
(fortasse miraberis) in maximis horum temporum doloribus hunc mihi scito esse. Velim, ut tibi amicus sit. Hoc cum tibi opto, opto, ut beatus sis; erit enim tam diu.
Consilium nostrum spero vacuum periculo fore. Nam et dissimulavimus, et, ut opinor, non acerrime adservabimur. Navigatio modo sit, qualem opto, cetera, quae quidem consilio provideri poterunt, cavebuntur. Tu, dum adsumus, non modo quae scies audierisve, sed etiam quae futura providebis, scribas velim.
Cato, qui Siciliam tenere nullo negotio potuit (et, si tenuisset, omnes boni ad eum se contulissent), Syracusis profectus est ante diem VIII K.
Mai., ut ad me * * * * * Page 343 XVI CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I had just sent a letter to you about a number of matters, when very early in the morning Dionysius came to my house. I should not only have been civil to him, I should have pardoned him altogether, if he had come in the spirit you described. For the letter I got at Arpinum said that he was coming and would do whatever I wanted; and I wanted or rather longed that he should be with me. It was because he had flatly refused to do so, when he came to my villa at Formiae, I used to write to you about him rather bitterly. However, after the first greeting, he said, to put it shortly, that I must excuse him and that business prevented his going with me. I said little in reply, but I was greatly hurt, for I understood that he looked down on my fortunes. You may be astonished, but you must know that this is one of the greatest sorrows I have suffered in this crisis. I hope that he may be a friend to you.
When I wish that, I wish you prosperity, for just so long he will be your friend.
My plan, I hope, will be free from risk, for I have kept the matter a secret, and, as I think, I shall not be watched very keenly. Only let the voyage be as good as I want, and all precautions that foresight can suggest will be taken. While I am here, please write not only anything you know or hear, but even what you foresee.
Cato, who could have held Sicily without any trouble--and, if he had held it, all loyalists would have flocked to him--sailed from Syracuse on the * * * * * Page 344 Curio scripsit. Utinam, quod aiunt, Cotta Sardiniam teneat! est enim rumor. O, si id fuerit, turpem Catonem!
Ego, ut minuerem suspicionem profectionis aut cogitationis meae, profectus sum in Pompeianum a. d. IIII Idus, ut ibi essem, dum, quae ad navigandum opus essent, pararentur. Cum ad villam venissem, relatum[160] est ad me centuriones trium cohortium, quae Pompeiis sunt, me velle postridie convenire. Haec mecum Ninnius noster, velle eos mihi se et oppidum tradere. At ego abii postridie a villa ante lucem, ut me omnino illi ne viderent. Quid enim erat in tribus cohortibus? quid, si plures? quo apparatu? Cogitavi eadem illa Caeliana, quae legi in epistula tua, quam accepi, simul et in Cumanum veni eodem die, et simul fieri poterat, ut temptaremur. Omnem igitur suspicionem sustuli. Sed, dum redeo, Hortensius venerat et ad Terentiam salutatum deverterat.
Sermone erat usus honorifico erga me. Iam eum, ut puto, videbo; misit enim puerum se ad me venire. Hoc quidem melius quam collega noster Antonius, cuius inter lictores lectica mima portatur.
Tu, quoniam quartana cares et novum morbum removisti, sed etiam gravedinem, teque vegetum nobis in Graecia siste et litterarum aliquid interea.
* * * * * Page 345 23rd of April, as Curio has informed me by letter. I only hope Cotta may hold Sardinia, as they say, for there is a rumour to that effect.
If that happens, what a reflection of Cato!
To lessen suspicion of my journey and intentions I started for my place at Pompeii on the 12th of May to stay there while the necessary provisions were made for my voyage. When I arrived, I was told the centurions of the three cohorts here wished to visit me the next day.
That was what my friend Ninnius said--that they wished to hand over themselves and the town to me. But I left the next morning before daybreak, so that they should not see me at all: for what was the use of three cohorts, or more indeed? And what was our equipment?
I pondered too over the matter of Caelius when I read it in your letter, which I received on the same day as I arrived at Cumae. It was possible too that it was a mere ruse, so I did away with all grounds of suspicion. But, while I was on my way back, Hortensius came, and turned out of his way to greet Terentia, and he had spoken of me with much courtesy. I think I shall see him soon, for he has sent a servant to announce his coming. This is better behaviour than that of my fellow augur Antony, who carries an actress in a sedan among his lictors.
As you have lost your quartan fever and have not only thrown off your new malady but also your cold, you must present yourself before me sound and fit in Greece. Meanwhile drop me a line.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in Cumano XVII K. Iun. a. 705_] Pr. Idus Hortensius ad me venit seripta epistula. Vellem cetera eius!
quam in me incredibilem ἐκτένειαν! Qua quidem cogito uti. Deinde Serapion cum epistula tua. Quam priusquam aperuissem, dixi ei te ad me de eo scripsisse antea, ut feceras. Deinde epistula lecta[161] cumulatissime cetera. Et hercule hominem probo; nam et doctum et probum existimo; quin etiam navi eius me et ipso convectore usurum puto.
Crebro refricat lippitudo non illa quidem perodiosa, sed tamen quae impediat scriptionem meam. Valetudinem tuam iam confirmatam esse et a vetere morbo et a novis temptationibus gaudeo.
Ocellam vellem haberemus; videntur enim esse haec paulo faciliora futura. Nunc quidem aequinoctium nos moratur, quod valde perturbatum erat. Id si transierit,[162] utinam idem maneat Hortensius! si quidem, ut adhuc erat, liberalius esse nihil potest.
[162] transierit _Ziehen_: cras erit _MSS._: ἀκραὲς erit _Bosius_.
De diplomate admiraris quasi nescio cuius te flagitii insimularim.
Negas enim te reperire, qui mihi id in mentem venerit. Ego autem, quia scripseras te proficisci cogitare (etenim audieram nemini aliter licere), eo te habere censebam, et quia pueris diploma sumpseras. Habes causam opinionis meae. Et tamen * * * * * Page 347 XVII CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
On the 14th of May Hortensius came to me, just as I had written my letter. I wish his conduct were always as it is now.[163] You would never believe how gushing he was, and I intend to take advantage of it.
Then Serapion came with a letter from you. Before I opened it, I told him that you had written to me about him before, as you had done. Then when I had read the letter, I told him the rest in full detail, and upon my word I like the man; for I think him to be learned and upright.
Moreover I think I will use his ship and make him my fellow-passenger.
[163] Or "I wish he would always confine himself to writing." But the passage may be corrupt.
Inflammation of the eyes often breaks out again, not indeed very troublesome, but enough to prevent my writing. That your health has recovered from your old complaint and your new attacks I am glad.
I wish I had Ocella here: for it looks as if things are going to be rather easier. Just now the equinox is delaying me. It has been very boisterous. When that is over, I only hope Hortensius may keep to the same mind. So far he could not be more generous.
You wonder about the passport I mentioned, as if I hinted you were guilty of some crime. You say you can't discover how it came into my mind. For my part since you wrote that you meditated leaving, and I had heard that a passport was indispensable, I decided you must have one: and also because you had taken out a passport for the boys. That was the reason for my opinion, but please write and tell me * * * * * Page 348 velim scire, quid cogites, in primisque, si quid etiam nunc novi est.
XVII K. Iun.
XVIII CICERO ATTICO SAL.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in Cumano XIV aut XIII K. Iun. a. 705_] Tullia mea peperit XIIII K. Iun. puerum ἑπταμηνιαῖον. Quod εὐτόκησεν, gaudeo; quod quidem est natum, perimbecillum est. Me mirificae tranquillitates adhuc tenuerunt atque maiori impedimento fuerunt quam custodiae, quibus adservor. Nam illa Hortensiana omnia fuere infantia.
Ita fiet. Homo nequissimus a Salvio liberto depravatus est. Itaque posthac non scribam ad te, quid facturus sim, sed quid fecerim; omnes enim Κωρυκαῖοι videntur subauscultare, quae loquor.
Tu tamen, si quid de Hispaniis sive quid aliud, perge, quaeso, scribere nec meas litteras exspectaris, nisi cum, quo opto, pervenerimus, aut si quid ex cursu. Sed hoc quoque timide scribo. Ita omnia tarda adhuc et spissa. Ut male posuimus initia, sic cetera sequuntur.
Formias nunc sequimur; eodem nos fortasse Furiae persequentur. Ex Balbi autem sermone, quem tecum habuit, non probamus de Melita. Dubitas igitur, quin nos in hostium numero habeat? Scripsi equidem Balbo te ad me et de benevolentia scripsisse et de * * * * * Page 349 what you intend, and especially if there is any news.
May 16.
XVIII CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
My daughter was confined on the 19th of May: a boy, a seven months' child. I am glad she had a safe delivery. As for the thing that has been born, it is a very poor specimen. So far I have been detained by an astonishing calm, which has been a greater hindrance than the watch kept on me. For all that gush of Hortensius proved child's talk. So it will be found. The villain has been corrupted by Salvius his freeman.
Accordingly hereafter I shall write to you, not what I intend to do but what I have done. For every eavesdropper[164] seems to be listening to what I say.
[164] The people of Corycus in Pamphylia spied on merchant vessels and betrayed them to pirates. Hence their name became a proverbial term for spies and eavesdroppers.
However if you have any news about Spain or any other topic, please write, but do not count on a letter from me, till I have reached the desired haven; or possibly I may write something on the voyage.
But even this much I write in fear. How sluggishly and draggingly everything has gone! The foundation was badly laid and the rest is of a piece.
Just now I am going to Formiae; perhaps there too the Furies will follow me. However according to Balbus' conversation with you my idea of going to Malta does not win approval. Can you doubt then that Caesar regards me as an enemy? To be sure I have written to Balbus telling him that you had informed me of his kindness and his suspicion. I * * * * * Page 350 suspicione. Egi gratias; de altero ei me purga. Ecquem tu hominem infeliciorem? Non loquor plura, ne te quoque excruciem. Ipse conficior venisse tempus, cum iam nec fortiter nec prudenter quicquam facere possim.
* * * * * Page 351 thanked him for his kindness: as regards the suspicion, clear me. Is there a more unlucky man living? I won't say more for fear of hurting you too. I am tortured by the thought that the time has come when I can no longer act either with boldness or discretion.
* * * * * Page 352 M. TULLI CICERONIS EPISTULARUM AD ATTICUM LIBER UNDECIMUS I CICERO ATTICO SAL.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in Epiro inter Non. et Id. Ian., ut videtur, a. 706_] Accepi a te signatum libellum, quem Anteros attulerat; ex quo nihil scire potui de nostris domesticis rebus. De quibus acerbissime adflictor, quod, qui eas dispensavit, neque adest istic, neque, ubi terrarum sit, scio. Omnem autem spem habeo existimationis privatarumque rerum in tua erga me mihi perspectissima benevolentia. Quam si his temporibus miseris et extremis praestiteris, haec pericula, quae mihi communia sunt cum ceteris, fortius feram; idque ut facias, te obtestor atque obsecro. Ego in cistophoro in Asia habeo ad sestertium bis et viciens. Huius pecuniae permutatione fidem nostram facile tuebere; quam quidem ego nisi expeditam relinquere me putassem credens ei, cui tu scis iam pridem minime credere me debere, commoratus essem paulisper nec domesticas res impeditas reliquissem. Ob eamque causam serius ad te scribo, quod sero intellexi, quid timendum esset. Te etiam atque etiam oro, ut me totum tuendum suscipias, ut, si ei salvi erunt, quibuscum sum, una cum iis possim incolumis esse salutemque meam benevolentiae tuae acceptam referre.
* * * * * Page 353 CICERO'S LETTERS TO ATTICUS BOOK XI I CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I got your sealed document, which Anteros brought. It gave me no information about my private affairs. I am exceedingly distressed about them, because Philotimus, who managed them, is not at Rome, nor do I know where in the world he is. And my whole hope of preserving my credit and private property lies in your tried and proved kindness towards me. If in this last desperate crisis you still show that, I shall face the dangers which I share with others more courageously: and I adjure and beseech you to do so. I have in local currency[165] in Asia nearly £18,000.[166] By a bill of exchange for that amount it will be easy for you to maintain my credit. Unless I had thought I were leaving it all square (trusting one, whom you have long since known I ought not to have trusted), I should have delayed a little longer and not left my private concerns embarrassed. The reason why I have been rather long in writing to you about it, is that I was a long time in gathering what was to be feared. Again and again I beseech you that you undertake to protect me in every way, so that, supposing my present associates are spared, I may along with them remain unembarrassed and put down my safety to your kindness.
[165] An Asiatic coin bearing as a device the _cista_ of Dionysius half opened with a snake creeping out of it.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in Epiro med. m. Mart., ut videtur, a. 706_] Litteras tuas accepi pr. Non. Febr. eoque ipso die ex testamento crevi hereditatem. Ex multis meis miserrimis curis est una levata, si, ut scribis, ista hereditas fidem et famam meam tueri potest; quam quidem intellego te etiam sine hereditate tuis opibus defensurum fuisse. De dote quod scribis, per omnes deos te obtestor, ut totam rem suscipias et illam miseram mea culpa et neglegentia tueare meis opibus, si quae sunt, tuis, quibus tibi molestum non erit, facultatibus. Cui quidem deesse omnia, quod scribis, obsecro te, noli pati. In quos enim sumptus abeunt fructus praediorum? Iam illa HS L̅X̅, quae scribis, nemo mihi umquam dixit ex dote esse detracta; numquam enim essem passus. Sed haec minima est ex eis iniuriis, quas accepi; de quibus ad te dolore et lacrimis scribere prohibeor. Ex ea pecunia, quae fuit in Asia, partem dimidiam fere exegi. Tutius videbatur fore ibi, ubi est, quam apud publicanos.
Quod me hortaris, ut firmo sim animo, vellem posses aliquid adferre, quam ob rem id facere possem. Sed, si ad ceteras miserias accessit etiam id, quod mihi Chrysippus dixit parari (tu nihil significasti) de * * * * * Page 355 II CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I received your letter on the 4th of February, and on the same day I accepted the inheritance formally according to the will. Of my many and miserable anxieties one is taken away, if, as you say, this inheritance is sufficient to maintain my credit and reputation, though I know you would have defended it even without the inheritance with all your resources. As for what you write about the dowry[167] I adjure you for heaven's sake to manage the whole business and protect the poor girl, a victim of my culpable carelessness, with my funds, if there are any, and out of your own, so far as you can without inconvenience. Pray do not let her remain in the utter want you depict. On what are the rents of my farms being wasted? That 500 guineas[168] of which you write, no one ever told me that it had been kept back out of the dowry, for I would never have allowed it. But that is the least of the blows I have suffered. I cannot write to you about them for sorrow and tears. Of the money I had in Asia I have called in nearly half. It would appear to be safer where it is than with the tax-collectors.
[167] The second instalment of Tullia's dowry due to Dolabella before July; cf. xi, 3. Dowries were paid in three instalments.
As for your exhortations to be of good courage, I wish you could find some reason why I should be so. If, on the top of my other sorrows, there comes that which Chrysippus said is under consideration (you gave me no hint), I mean the confiscation of my town * * * * * Page 356 domo, quis me miserior uno iam fuit? Oro, obsecro, ignosce. Non possum plura scribere. Quanto maerore urgear, profecto vides. Quod si mihi commune cum ceteris esset, qui videntur in eadem causa esse, minor mea culpa videretur et eo tolerabilior esset. Nunc nihil est, quod consoletur, nisi quid tu efficis, si modo etiam nunc effici potest, ut ne qua singulari adficiar calamitate et iniuria.
Tardius ad te remisi tabellarium, quod potestas mittendi non fuit. A tuis et nummorum accepi HS L̅X̅X̅ et, vestimentorum quod opus fuit.
Quibus tibi videbitur, velim des litteras meo nomine. Nosti meos familiares. Si signum requirent aut manum, dices me propter custodias ea vitasse.
III CICERO ATTICO SAL.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in castris Pompei Id. Iun. a. 706_] Quid hic agatur, scire poteris ex eo, qui litteras attulit. Quem diutius tenui, quia cotidie aliquid novi exspectabamus; neque nunc mittendi tamen ulla causa fuit praeter eam, de qua tibi rescribi voluisti, quod ad Kal. Quinct. pertinet, quid vellem. Utrumque grave est, et tam gravi tempore periculum tantae pecuniae, et dubio rerum exitu ista, quam scribis, abruptio. Quare ut alia sic hoc vel maxime * * * * * Page 357 house, I am the most wretched man alive. I pray and beseech you pardon me. I can write no more. You see, I am sure, with what a weight of misery I am oppressed. If I shared it with others, who seem to be in the same predicament, I should feel less blameworthy and bear it better. Now I have no consolation unless you can arrange, if it is now possible, that I may not be visited with any special disaster and harm.
I have been rather slow in sending back your letter-carrier, because there was no opportunity of sending him. From your agents I have received some £600[169] and the necessary clothing. Please send letters to any people you think right in my name. You know my intimate friends.
If they notice the absence of my seal or handwriting, please say I have avoided using them owing to the sentries.
III CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
[Sidenote: _Camp of Pompey, June 3_, B.C. _48_] What is happening here you may gather from the bearer of your letter.
I have kept him longer than I should, because every day I am expecting something fresh to happen, and there was no reason for sending him even now, except the subject on which you ask for an answer, namely what I wish as to the first of July. Both courses are dangerous, both the risk of such a sum of money at such a dangerous time, and the breaking with Dolabella, which you mention, while the political issue is still uncertain. Accordingly I will leave this matter in particular like others * * * * * Page 358 tuae curae benevolentiaeque permitto et illius consilio et voluntati; cui miserae consuluissem melius, si tecum olim coram potius quam per litteras de salute nostra fortunisque deliberavissem.
Quod negas praecipuum mihi ullum in communibus incommodis impendere, etsi ista res non nihil habet consolationis, tamen etiam praecipua multa sunt, quae tu profecto vides et gravissima esse et me facillime vitare potuisse. Ea tamen erunt minora, si, ut adhuc factum est, administratione et diligentia tua levabuntur.
Pecunia apud Egnatium est. Sit a me, ut est. Neque enim hoc, quod agitur, videtur diuturnum esse posse, ut scire iam possim, quid maxime opus sit. Etsi egeo rebus omnibus, quod is quoque in angustiis est, quicum sumus; cui magnam dedimus pecuniam mutuam, opinantes nobis constitutis rebus eam rem etiam honori fore. Tu, ut antea fecisti, velim, si qui erunt, ad quos aliquid scribendum a me existimes, ipse conficias. Tuis salutem die. Cura, ut valeas. In primis id, quod scribis, omnibus rebus cura et provide, ne quid ei desit, de qua scis me miserrimum esse. Idibus Iuniis ex castris.
IV CICERO ATTICO SAL.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in castris Pompei Id. Quint. a. 706_] Accepi ab Isidoro litteras et postea datas binas. Ex proximis cognovi praedia non venisse. Videbis * * * * * Page 359 to your kind care, and to the consideration and desire of poor Tullia, whose interests would have been better consulted, if originally I had discussed our safety and fortunes with you in person rather than by letter.
You say there is no trouble threatening me especially in this public misfortune. There is a little consolation in that, but there are many circumstances special to me, which you must see are very serious and might easily have been avoided. However they will be less serious, if, as hitherto, they are lightened by your care and management.
The money is with Egnatius. Let it remain there, so far as I am concerned: for things cannot last long as they are, so that I shall soon know what is most necessary. However, I am in want of everything, because the man I am with[170] too is in great straits and I have lent him a large sum of money, thinking that, when things settle down, that will bring me honour as well as profit. Please, as before, if there are any persons to whom you think I ought to write, do it for me. Pay my greetings to your family. Take care of your health. Above all, as you say, make every careful provision that nothing maybe wanting to my daughter, on whose account you know I am very unhappy.
[170] Pompey.
June 13, at the camp.
IV CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
I have received your letter by Isidorus and two written later. From the last I understand that the * * * * * Page 360 ergo, ut sustentetur per te. De Frusinati, si modo fruituri sumus, erit mihi res opportuna. Meas litteras quod requiris, impedior inopia rerum, quas nullas habeo litteris dignas, quippe cui, nec quae accidunt, nec quae aguntur, ullo modo probentur. Utinam coram tecum olim potius quam per epistulas! Hic tua, ut possum, tueor apud hos. Cetera Celer. Ipse fugi adhuc omne munus eo magis, quod ita nihil poterat agi, ut mihi et meis rebus aptum esset.
IVa CICERO ATTICO SAL.
[Sidenote: _Scr. Dyrrhachi inter XVI et XII K. Quint. a. 706_] Quid sit gestum novi, quaeris. Ex Isidoro scire poteris. Reliqua non videntur esse difficiliora. Tu id velim quod scis me maxime velle, cures, ut scribis, ut facis. Me conficit sollicitudo, ex qua etiam summa infirmitas corporis. Qua levata ero una cum eo, qui negotium gerit estque in spe magna. Brutus amicus; in causa versatur acriter.
Hactenus fuit, quod caute a me scribi posset. Vale. De pensione altera, oro te, omni cura considera quid faciendum sit, ut scripsi iis litteris, quas Pollex tulit.
* * * * * Page 361 property did not sell. So please see to her support yourself. As to the estate at Frusino, if only I am to enjoy the fruits, it will be convenient for me. You say I owe you a letter. Well, I am hindered by want of matter, having nothing worth writing; for nothing that happens and nothing that is done has my approbation at all. If only I could talk with you instead of writing! Here to the best of my power I conserve your interests with these people. The rest Celer will do.
Hitherto I have avoided every office, especially as it was impossible for anything to be done in a way that suited me and my fortunes.
IVa CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
You ask what new moves have been made. Isidorus will tell you. I don't think the rest of the task will be any more difficult. Please pay attention to what you know is my greatest wish, as you say you are doing. I am overwhelmed by care, and that brings with it also great bodily infirmity. When that has passed, I shall go to the man who is conducting the business and who is in high hopes.[171] Brutus is friendly; and takes a keen part in the cause.
[171] I.e. Pompey, who had won a temporary success by piercing Caesar's lines.
That is all that I can prudently commit to paper. Farewell. About the second instalment of Tullia's dowry, pray consider carefully what ought to be done, as I said in the letter, which Pollex took.
[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi pr. Non. Nov. a. 706_] Quae me causae moverint, quam acerbae, quam graves, quam novae, coegerintque impetu magis quodam animi uti quam cogitatione, non possum ad te sine maximo dolore scribere. Fuerunt quidem tantae, ut id, quod vides, effecerint. Itaque, nec quid ad te scribam de meis rebus nec quid a te petam reperio; rem et summam negotii vides.
Equidem ex tuis litteris intellexi, et eis, quas com muniter cum aliis scripsisti, et eis quas tuo nomine quod etiam mea sponte videbam, te subita re quas debilitatum novas rationes tuendi mei quaerere. Quod scribis placere, ut propius accedam iterque per oppida noctu faciam, non sane video, quern ad modum id fieri possit. Neque enim ita apta habeo devorsoria, ut tota tempora diurna in iis possim consumere, neque ad id, quod quaeris, multum interest utrum me homines in oppido videant an in via. Sed tamen hoc ipsum sicut alia considerabo, quem ad modum commodissime fieri posse videatur.
Ego propter incredibilem et animi et corporis molestiam conficere plures litteras non potui; eis tantum rescripsi, a quibus acceperam.
Tu velim et Basilo et quibus praeterea videbitur, etiam Servilio conscribas, ut tibi videbitur, meo nomine. Quod tanto intervallo nihil omnino ad vos scripsi, his litteris profecto * * * * * Page 363 V CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
What were the reasons, how bitter, how grave and unforeseen, which swayed me and compelled me to act by a kind of impulse rather than by reflection, I cannot bring myself to write without great agony of mind. So weighty were they that they have brought about what you see.
Accordingly I do not know what to tell you about my affairs nor what to ask of you. You can see for yourself the sum and substance of the matter.
For my part I have gathered from your letters--both that which you wrote in conjunction with others and the one you wrote in your own name--what I saw myself too, that you are somewhat disconcerted by my sudden move, and are looking for some new means of protecting me. I don't quite see how I can do as you suggest and come nearer to Rome, travelling through towns at night. For I have not suitable stopping-places to spend all the days in; nor, for the point you are aiming at, does it much matter whether I am seen in towns or on the road. However I will consider how this plan, as well as others, can most conveniently be carried out.
I am so fearfully upset both in mind and body that I have not been able to write many letters; I have only answered those who have written to me. I should like you to write in my name to Basilus and to anyone else you like, even to Servilius, and say whatever you think fit. From this letter you will quite understand that the reason why I have not written to you at all for such a long time, is that I * * * * * Page 364 intellegis rem mihi desse, de qua scribam, non voluntatem.
Quod de Vatinio quaeris, neque illius neque cuiusquam mihi praeterea officium desset, si reperire possent, qua in re me iuvarent. Quintus aversissimo a me animo Patris fuit. Eodem Corcyra filius venit. Inde profectos eos una cum ceteris arbitror.
VI CICERO ATTICO SALUTEM DICIT.
[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi IV K. Dec. a. 706_] Sollicitum esse te, cum de tuis communibusque fortunis, tum maxime de me ac de dolore meo sentio. Qui quidem meus dolor non modo non minuitur, cum socium sibi adiungit dolorem tuum, sed etiam augetur.
Omnino pro tua prudentia sentis, qua consolatione levari maxime possim. Probas enim meum consilium negasque mihi quicquam tali tempore potius faciendum fuisse. Addis etiam (quod etsi mihi levius est quam tuum iudicium, tamen non est leve) ceteris quoque, id est qui pondus habeant, factum nostrum probari. Id si ita putarem, levius dolerem.
"Crede," inquis, "mihi." Credo equidem, sed scio, quam cupias minui dolorem meum. Me discessisse ab armis numquam paenituit. Tanta erat in illis crudelitas, tanta cum barbaris gentibus coniunctio, ut non nominatim, sed generatim proscriptio esset informata, ut iam omnium iudicio constitutum esset omnium vestrum bona praedam esse illius victoriae. "Vestrum" plane dico; numquam enim de te ipso nisi * * * * * Page 365 had nothing to write about, not that I did not wish to write.
For your query about Vatinius, neither he nor anyone else would fail in service to me, if they could find any means of helping me. Quintus showed the bitterest ill-feeling to me at Patrae. His son came thither from Corcyra: and I suppose they have set out from there with the others.
VI CICERO to ATTICUS, GREETING.
I see you are anxious about your own fate and the fate of us all, and especially about me and my sorrows; but my sorrows are not lessened one whit by the addition of yours in sympathy, they are even increased.
Of course your own intelligence makes you feel what consolation can comfort me most: for you approve of my plan and say that under the circumstances I could not have done anything better. You add something, which does not weigh with me so much as your judgement, though it has some weight, that every one else--I mean every one else who matters--approves of what I did. If I could persuade myself of that, I should feel less sorrow. "Believe me," you say. I do believe you; but I know how anxious you are to relieve my sorrow. I have never regretted leaving the camp. Cruelty was so rampant there, and there was so close an alliance with barbarian nations, that a plan was sketched out for a proscription not of persons but of whole classes; and everybody had made up their minds that the property of you all was to be the prize of his victory. I say "you" advisedly, for none * * * * * Page 366 crudelissime cogitatum est. Quare voluntatis me meae numquam paenitebit, consilii paenitet. In oppido aliquo mallem resedisse, quoad accerserer: minus sermonis subissem, minus accepissem doloris; ipsum hoc me non angeret. Brundisi iacere in omnes partes est molestum.
Propius accedere, ut suades, quo modo sine lictoribus, quos populus dedit, possum? qui mihi incolumi adimi non possunt. Quos ego nunc paulisper cum bacillis in turbam conieci ad oppidum accedens, ne quis impetus militum fieret. Reliquo tempore me domi tenui.[172] Ad Oppium et Balbum scripsi,[173] quonam iis placeret modo propius accedere, ut hac de re considerarent. Credo fore auctores. Sic enim recipiunt, Caesari non modo de conservanda, sed etiam de augenda mea dignitate curae fore, meque hortantur, ut magno animo sim, ut omnia summa sperem. Ea spondent, confirmant. Quae quidem mihi exploratiora essent, si remansissem. Sed ingero praeterita; vide, quaeso, igitur ea, quae restant, et explora cum istis, et, si putabis opus esse, et si istis placebit, quo magis factam nostrum Caesar probet quasi de suorum sententia factum, adhibeantur Trebonius, Pansa, si qui alii, scribantque ad Caesarem me, quicquid fecerim, de sua sententia fecisse.
[172] Reliquo tempore me domi tenui _Hofmann_: recipio tempore me domo te nunc _MSS._ [173] Balbum scripsi _added by Lambinus and Lehmann_.
Tulliae meae morbus et imbecillitas corporis me exanimat. Quam tibi intellego magnae curae esse, quod est mihi gratissimum. De Pompei exitu mihi * * * * * Page 367 but the cruellest thoughts were entertained about you personally. So I shall never regret my resolve; but I do regret my plan of action.
I wish I had settled down in some town, till I was called for. There would have been less talk about me, less pain for me; this particular regret at any rate would not be worrying me. To remain inactive at Brundisium is annoying from every point of view. And how can I go nearer to Rome, as you advise, without the lictors given me by the people? They cannot be taken from me without depriving me of my rights.
Only lately, as I was approaching Brundisium, I made them mix with the