that violence. I am afraid I exhibited before him that day not the spirit, but the brute, in me.
I have always been opposed to corporal punishment. I remember only one occasion on which I physically punished one of my sons. I have therefore never until this day been able to decide whether I was right or wrong in using the ruler. Probably it was improper, for it was prompted by anger and a desire to punish. Had it been an expression only of my distress, I should have considered it justi- fied. But the motive in this case was mixed.
Cases of misconduct on the part of the boys often occurred after this, but I never resorted to corp i XXXV TARES AMONG THE WHEAT It was at Tolstoy Farm that Mr. Kallenbach drew my attention to a problem that had never before struck me. As I have already said, some of the boys at the Farm were bad and unruly. There were loafers, too, amongst them. With these my three boys came in daily contact, as also did other children of the same type as my own sons. This troubled Mr. Kallenbach, but his attention was cen- tred on the impropriety of keeping my boys with these unruly youngsters.
One day he spoke out: ‘ Your way of mixing your own boys with the bad ones does not appeal to me. It can have only one result. They will become demoralized through this bad company.’
I do not remember whether the question puzzled me at the moment, but I recollect what I said to him: ‘How can I distinguish between my boys and the loafers? I am equally responsible for both. The youngsters have come because I invited them. If I were to dismiss them with some money, they would immediately run off to Johannesburg and fall back into their old ways. To tell you the truth, it is quite likely that they and their guardians believe that, by having come here, they have laid me under an obligation. That they have to put up with a good deal of inconvenience here, you and I know very well. But my duty is clear. I must have them here, and therefore my boys also must needs live with them. And surely you do not want me to teach my boys to feel from today that they are superior to other boys. To put that sense of superiority into their heads would be to lead them astray. This association with other boys will be a good disci- pline for them. They will, of their own accord, learn to discriminate between good and evil. Why should we not believe that, if there js really anything good in them, it is bound to react on their com- panions? However that may be, I cannot help keeping them here, and if that means some risk, we must run it.’
Mr. Kallenbach shook his head.
The result, I think, cannot be said to have been bad. I do not consider my sons were any the worse for the experiment. On the contrary I can see that they gained something. If there was the slightest trace of superiority in them, it was destroyed and they learnt to mix with all kinds of children. They were tested and disciplined.
This and similar experiments have shown me that, if good children are taught together with bad ones and thrown into their company, they will lose nothing, provided the experiment is conducted under the watchful care of their parents and guardians.
252 MY EXPERIMENTS WITH TRUTH Children wrapped up in cottonwool are not always proof against all temptation or contamination. It is true, however, that when boys and girls of all kinds of upbringing are kept and taught to- gether, the parents and the teachers are put to the severest test. They have constantly to be on the alert.
XXXVI FASTING AS PENANCE Day by day it became increasingly clear to me how very difficult it was to bring up and educate boys and girls in the right way. If I was to be their real teacher and guardian, I must touch their hearts. I must share their joys and sorrows, I must help them to solve the problems that faced them, and I must take along the right channel the surging aspirations of their youth.
On the release of some of the Satyagrahis from jail, Tolstoy Farm was almost denuded of its inmates. The few that remained mostly belonged to Phoenix. So I removed them there. Here I had to pass through a fiery ordeal.
In those days I had to move between Once when I was in Johannesburg I re fall of two of the inmates of the Ashram. or reverse in the Sat Johannesburg and Phcenix. ceived tidings of the moral of my going alone, for he happened to be the bearer of the tidings which had so upset me.
During the journey m: Suardian or teacher was the lapse of his ward or penance. So I imposed upon myself w to have only one meal a day for half. Mr. Kallenbach tried to dissuade mceded the propriety of the penance, I could not resist his transparent me, but in vain. He fully co and insisted on joining me. affection. I felt greatly relieved ind. The anger against the guilty FASTING AS PENANCE 253 My penance pained everybody, but it cleared the atmosphere. Everyone came to realize what a terrible thing it was to be sinful, ana fee bond that bound me to the boys and girls became E and truer.
A circumstance arising out of this incident compelled me, a little while after, to go into a fast for fourteen days, the results of which exceeded even my expectations.
It is not my purpose to make out from these incidents that it is the duty of a teacher to resort to fasting whenever there is a delin- quency on the part of his pupils. I hold, however, that some occa- sions do call for this drastic remedy. But it presupposes clearness of vision and spiritual fitness. Where there is no true love between the teacher and the pupil, where the pupil’s delinquency has not touched the very being of the teacher and where the pupil has no respect for the teacher, fasting is out of place and may even be harm- ful. Though there is thus room for doubting the propriety of fasts in such cases, there is no question about the teacher’s responsibility for the errors of his pupil.
The first penance did not prove difficult for any of us. I had to suspend or stop none of my normal activities. It may be recalled that during the whole of this period of penance I was a strict fruita- rian. The latter part of the second fast went fairly hard with me. I had not then completely understood the wonderful efficacy of Ramanama, and my capacity for suffering was to that extent less. Besides, I did not know the technique of fasting, especially the necessity of drink- ing plenty of water, however nauseating or distasteful it might be. Then the fact that the first fast had been an easy affair had made me rather careless as to the second. Thus during the first I took Kuhne baths every day, but during the second I gave them up after two or three days, and drank very little water, as it was distasteful and pro- duced nausea. The throat became parched and weak and during the last days I could speak only in a very low voice. In spite of this, how- ever, my work was carried on through dictation where writing was necessary. I regularly listened to readings from the Ramayana and other sacred books. I had also sufficient strength to discuss and advise in all urgent matters.
XXXVII TO MEET GOKHALE I must skip many of the recollections of South Africa.
At the conclusion of the Satyagraha struggle in 1914, I received Gokhale’s instructions to return home via London. So in July Kasturbai, Kallenbach and I sailed for England.
During Satyagraha I had begun travelling third class. I therefore took third class passages for this voyage. But there was a good deal of difference between third class accommodation on the boat on this route and that provided on Indian coastal boats or railway trains. There is hardly sufficient sitting, much less sleeping, accommodation in the Indian service, and little cleanliness. During the voyage to London, on the other hand, there was enough room and cleanliness, and the steamship company had provided special facilities for us. The company had provided reserved closet accommodation for us, and as we were fruitarians, the steward had orders to supply us with fruits and nuts. As a rule third class passengers get little fruit or s made our eighteen days on the boat quite comfortable.
Some of the incident: Mr. Kallenbach was costly Pairs. We had daily discussions over one of these. I tried to ideal of simplicity that we aspired to reach. Our discussions came to a head one day, cabin. ‘Rather than allow these to b why not throw them into the sea “Certainly throw the wretched ‘I mean it,’ said I.
e a bone of contention between us, and be done with them?” said I.
things away,’ said Mr. Kallenbach.
This is but one out of the man: y incidents that happened between Mr. Kallenbach and me.
§ new in this way, for both Truth. In the march towards MY PART IN THE WAR 255 Truth means complete deliverance from the dual throng such as of love and hate, happiness and misery.
Not much time had elapsed since my fast when we started on our voyage. I had not regained my normal strength. I used to stroll on deck to get a little exercise, so as to revive my appetite and digest what I ate. But even this exercise was beyond me, causing pain in the calves, so much so that on reaching London I found that I was worse rather than better. There I came to know Dr. Jivraj Mehta. I gave him the history of my fast and subsequent pain, and he said, ‘If you do not take complete rest for a few days, there is a fear of your legs going out of use.’
It was then that I learned that a man emerging from a long fast should not be in a hurry to regain lost strength, and should also put a curb on his appetite. More caution and perhaps more restraint are necessary in breaking a fast than in keeping it.
In Madeira we heard that the great War might break out at any moment. As we entered the English Channel, we received the news of its actual outbreak. We were stopped for some time. It was a difficult business to tow the boat through the submarine mines which had been laid throughout the Channel, and it took about two days to reach Southampton. War was declared on the 4th of August. We reached London on the 6th.
XXXVIII MY PART IN THE WAR On arrival in England I learned that Gokhale had been stranded in Paris where he had gone for reasons of health, and as communi- cation between Paris and London had been cut off, there was no knowing when he would return. I did not want to go home without having seen him, but no one could say definitely when he would arrive.
What then was I to do in the meanwhile? What was my duty as regards the war? Sorabji Adajania, my comrade in jail and a Satyagrahi, was then reading for the bar in London. As one of the best Satyagrahis he had been sent to England to qualify himself as a barrister, so that he might take my place on return to South Africa. Dr. Pranjivandas Mehta was paying his expenses. With him, and through him, I had conferences with Dr. Jivraj Mehta and others heir studies in England. In consultation with who were rosecuting t > 1 con. them, a ering of the Indian residents in Great Britain and Ireland 3 was called. I placed my views before them. I felt that Indians residing in England ought to do their bit in the war. English students had volunteered to serve in the army, and 256 MY EXPERIMENTS WITH TRUTH Indians might do no less. A number of objections were taken to this line of argument. There was, it was contended, a world of difference between the Indians and the English. We were slaves and they were masters. How could a slave co-operate with the master in the hour of the latter’s need? Was it not the duty of the slave, seeking to be free, to make the master’s need his opportunity? This argument failed to appeal to me then. I knew the difference of status between an Indian and an Englishman, but I did not believe that we had been quite reduced to slavery. I felt then that it was more the fault of individual British officials than of the British sys- tem, and that we could convert them by love. If we would improve our status through the help and co-operation of the British, it was our duty to win their help by standing by them in their hour of need. Though the system was faulty, it did not seem to me to be intolerable, as it does today. But if, having lost my faith in the system, I refuse to co-operate with the British Government today, how could those friends then do so, having lost their faith not only in the system but in the officials as well?
The opposing friends felt that that was the hour for making a bold declaration of Indian demands and for improving the status of Indians.
I thought that England’s need should not be turned into our oppor- tunity, and that it was more becoming and far-sighted not to press our demands while the war lasted. I therefore adhered to my advice and invited those who would to enlist as volunteers. There was a good response, practically all the provinces and all the religions being represented among the volunteers.
I wrote a letter to Lord Crewe, acquainting him with these facts, and expressing our readiness to be trained for ambulance work, if that should be considered a condition precedent to the acceptance of our offer.
Lord Crewe accepted the offer after some hesitation, and thanked us for having tendered our services to the Empire at that critical hour.
The volunteers began their preliminary training in first aid to the wounded under the well-known Dr. Cantlie. It was a short course of six weeks, but it covered the whole course of first aid.
We were a class of about 80. In six weeks we were examined, and all except one passed. For these the Government now provided military drill and other training. Colonel Baker was placed in charge of this work.
London in these days was a sight worth seeing. There was no panic, but all were busy helping to the best of their ability. Able- bodied adults began training as combatants, but what were the old, the infirm and the women to do? There was enough work for them, if they wanted. So they employed themselves in cutting and making clothes and dressings for the wounded.
A SPIRITUAL DILEMMA 251 The Lyceum, a ladies’ club, undertook to mak for the soldiers as they could. Shrimati Sarojini Noi oar ee ber of this club, and threw herself whole-heartedly into the work This was my first acquaintance with her. She placed before me a heap of clothes which had been cut to pattern, and asked me to get them all sewn up and return them to her. I welcomed her demand and with the assistance of friends got as many clothes made as I could manage during my training for first aid.
XXXIX A SPIRITUAL DILEMMA As soon as the news reached South Africa that I along with other Indians had offered my services in the war, I received two cables. One of these was from Mr. Polak who questioned the consistency of my action with my profession of ahimsa. ent anticipated this objection, for I had my Hind Swaraj or Indian Home Rule *, y in and day out with friends in South Africa. All of us recognized the immorality of war. If I was not prepared to prosecute my assailant, much less should I be willing to participate in a war, especially when I knew nothing of the justice or otherwise of the cause of the combatants. Friends of course knew that I had previously seryed in the Boer War, but they assumed that my views had since undergone a change.
As a matter of fact the very same line of argument that persuaded me to take part in the Boer War had weighed with me on this occa- sion. It was quite clear to me that participation in war could never be consistent with ahimsa. But it is not always given to one to be equally clear about one’s duty. A votary of truth is often obliged to grope in the dark.
Ahimsa is a compre caught in the conflagra I had to a certain ext discussed the question in and used to discuss it da hensive principle. We are helpless mortals tion of himsa. The saying that life lives on life has a deep meaning in it. Man cannot for a moment live without consciously or unconsciously committing outward himsa. The very fact of his living — eating, drinking and moving about — necessarily involves some himsa, destruction of life, be it ever so minute. A votary of ahimsa therefore remains true to his faith if the spring of all his actions is compassion, if he shuns to the best of his ability the destruction of the tiniest creature, tries to save it, and thus incessantly strives to be free from the deadly coil of himsa. He will be constantly growing in self-restraint and compassion, but he can never become entirely free from outward himsa.
(a ee * Published by Navajivan Publishing House, Price 50 nP., Postage etc. 19 nP.
17 258 MY EXPERIMENTS WITH TRUTH Then again, because underlying ahimsa is the unity of all life, the error of one cannot but affect all, and hence man cannot be wholly free from himsa. So long as he continues to be a social being, he cannot but participate in the himsa that the very existence of society involves. When two nations are fighting, the duty of a votary of ahimsa is to stop the war. He who is not equal to that duty, he who has no power of resisting war, he who is not qualified to resist war, may take part in war, and yet whole-heartedly try to free him- self, his nation and the world from war.
I had hoped to improve my status and that of my people through the British Empire. Whilst in England I was enjoying the protec- tion of the British Fleet, and taking shelter as I did under its armed might, I was directly participating in its potential violence. There- fore, if I desired to retain my connection with the Empire and to live under its banner, one of three courses was open to me: I could declare open resistance to the war and, in accordance with the law of Satyagraha, boycott the Empire until it changed its military policy; or I could seek imprisonment by civil disobedience of such of its laws as were fit to be disobeyed; or I could participate in the war on the side of the Empire and thereby acquire the capacity and fitness for resisting the violence of war. I lacked this capacity and fitness, so I thought there was nothing for it but to serve in the war.
I make no distinction, from the point of view of ahimsa, between combatants and non-combatants. He who volunteers to serve a band of dacoits, by working as their carrier, or ‘their watchman while they are about their business, or their nurse when they are wounded, is as much guilty of dacoity as the dacoits themselves. In the same way those who confine themselves to attending to the wounded in battle cannot be absolved from the guilt of war.
I had argued the whole thing out to myself in this manner, before I received Polak’s cable, and soon after its receipt, I discussed these views with several friends and concluded that it was my duty to offer to serve in the war. Even today I see no flaw in that line of argument, nor am I sorry for my action, holding, as I then did, views favourable to the British connection.
I know that even then I could not carry conviction with all my friends about the correctness of my position. The question is subtle. It admits of differences of opinion, and therefore I have submitted my argument as clearly as possible to those who believe in ahimsa and who are making serious efforts to practise it in every walk of life. A devotee of Truth may not do anything in deference to con- vention. He must always hold himself open to correction, and whenever he discovers himself to be wrong he must confess it at all costs and atone for it.
XL MINIATURE SATYAGRAHA Though I thus took part in the war as a matter of duty, it chanced that I was not only unable directly to participate in it, but actually compelled to offer what may be called miniature Satyagraha even at that critical juncture.
I have already said that an officer was appointed in charge of our s soon as our names were approved and enlisted. We ssion that this Commanding Officer was to be our chief only so far as technical matters were concerned, and that in all other matters I was the head of our Corps, which was directly responsible to me in matters of internal discipline; that is to say, the Commanding Officer had to deal with the Corps through me. But from the first the Officer left us under no such delusion.
Mr. Sorabji Adajania was a shrewd man. He warned me. ‘ Beware of this man,’ he said. ‘He seems inclined to lord it over us. We will have none of his orders. We are prepared to look upon him as our instructor. But the youngsters he has appointed to instruct us also feel as though they had come as our masters.’
These youngsters were Oxford students who had come to instruct us and whom the Commanding Officer had appointed to be our section leaders. I also had not failed to training, a: were all under the impre: notice the high-handedness of the Com- manding Officer, but I asked Sorabji not to be anxious and tried to pacify him. But he was not the man to be easily convinced.
‘You are too trusting. These people will deceive you with wret- ched words, and when at last you see through them, you will ask us to resort to Satyagraha, and so come to grief, and bring us all to grief along with you,’ said he with a smile.
‘What else but grief can you hope to come to after having cast in your lot with me?’ said I. ‘A Satyagrahi is born to be deceived. Let the Commanding Officer deceive us. Have I not told you times without number that ultimately 2 deceiver only deceives himself?’
‘Well, then,’ said he, ‘ continue to be +; gave a loud laugh. Reece Jou will some day meet your death in Satyagraha and drag poor mortals like me behind you.’
These words put me in mind of what the late Miss Emily Hobhouse wrote to me with regard to non-co-operation: ‘I should not be surprised if one of these days you have to go to the gallows for the sake of truth. May God show you the right path and protect you.’
The talk with Sorabji took place just after the appointment of the Commanding Officer. In a very few days our relations with him 260 MY EXPERIMENTS WITH TRUTH reached the breaking point. I had hardly regained my strength after the fourteen days’ fast, when I began to take part in the drill, often walking to the appointed place about two miles from home. This gave me pleurisy and laid me low. In this condition I had to go week- end camping. Whilst the others stayed there, I returned home. It was here that an occasion arose for Satyagraha.
The Commanding Officer began to exercise his authority somewhat freely. He gave us clearly to understand that he was our head in all matters, military and non-military, giving us at the same time a taste of his authority. Sorabji hurried to me. He was not at all pre- pared to put up with this high-handedness. He said: ‘We must have all orders through you. We are still in the training camp and all sorts of absurd orders are being issued. Invidious distinctions are made between ourselves and those youths who have been appointed to instruct us. We must have it out with the Commanding Officer, otherwise we shall not be able to go on any longer. The Indian stu- dents and others who have joined our Corps are not going to abide by any absurd orders. In a cause which has been taken up for the sake of self-respect, it is unthinkable to put up with loss of it.’
I approached the Commanding Officer and drew his attention to the complaints I had received. He wrote asking me to set out the complaints in writing, at the same time asking me ‘to impress upon those who complain that the proper direction in which to make com- plaints is to me through their section commanders, now appointed, who will inform me through the instructors,’ To this I replied saying that I claimed no authority, that in the military sense I was no more than any other private, but that I had believed that as Chairman of the Volunteer Corps, I should be allowed unofficially to act as their representative. I also set out the grievances and requests that had been brought to my notice, namely, that grievous dissatisfaction had been caused by the appointment of section leaders without reference to the feeling of the members of the Corps; that they be recalled, and the Corps be invited to elect section leaders, subject to the Commander’s approval.
This did not appeal to the Commanding Officer, who said it was repugnant to all military discipline that the section leaders should be elected by the Corps, and that the recall of appointments already made would be subversive of all discipline.
So we held a meeting and decided upon withdrawal. I brought home to the members the serious consequences of Satyagraha. But a very large majority voted for the resolution, which was to the effect that, unless the appointments of Corporals already made were recalled and the members of the Corps given an opportunity of electing their own Corporals, the members would be obliged to abstain from further drilling and week-end camping.
I then addressed a letter to the Commanding Officer telling him what a severe disappointment his letter rejecting my suggestion had MINIATURE SATYAGRAHA 261 been. I assured him that I was not fond of any exercise of authority and that I was most anxious to serve. I also drew his attention to a precedent. I pointed out that, although I occupied no official rank in the South African Indian Ambulance Corps at the time of the Boer War, there was never a hitch between Colonel Gallwey and the Corps, and the Colonel never took a step without reference to me with a view to ascertain the wishes of the Corps. I also enclosed a copy of the resolution we had passed the previous evening.
This had no good effect on the Officer, who felt that the meeting and the resolution were a grave breach of discipline.
Hereupon I addressed a letter to the Secretary of State for India, acquainting him with all the facts and enclosing a copy of the reso- lution. He replied explaining that conditions in South Africa were different, and drawing my attention to the fact that under the rules the section commanders were appointed by the Commanding Officer, but assuring me that in future, when appointing section commanders, the Commanding Officer would consider my recommendations.
A good deal of correspondence passed between us after this, but I do not want to prolong the bitter tale. Suffice it to say that my experience was of a piece with the experiences we daily have in India. What with threats and what with adroitness the Commanding Officer succeeded in creating a division in our Corps. Some of those who had voted for the resolution yielded to the Commander’s threats or persuasions and went back on their promise.
About this time an unexpectedly large contingent of wounded soldiers arrived at the Netley Hospital, and the services of our Corps were requisitioned. Those whom the Commanding Officer could per- suade went to Netley. The others refused to go. I was on my back, but was in communication with the members of the Corps. Mr. Roberts, the Under-Secretary of State, honoured me with many calls during those days. He insisted on my persuading the others to serve. He suggested that they should form a separate Corps and that at the Netley Hospital they could be responsible only to the Com- manding Officer there, so that there would be no question of loss of self-respect, Government would be placated, and at the same time dered to the large number of wounded helpful service would be ren 0 reheived at the hospital. This suggestion appealed both to my companions and to me, with the result that those who had stayed away also went to Netley.
Only I remained away, a bad job.
lying on my pack and making the best of XLI GOKHALE’S CHARITY I have already referred to the attack of pleurisy I had in England. Gokhale returned to London soon after. Kallenbach and I used regu- larly to go to him. Our talks were mostly about the war, and as Kallenbach had the geography of Germany at his finger tips, and had travelled much in Europe, he used to show him on the map the various places in connection with the war.
When I got pleurisy this also became a topic of daily discussion. oe dietetic experiments were going on even then. My diet consisted, among other things, of groundnuts, ripe and unripe bananas, lemon, Olive oil, tomatoes and grapes. I completely eschewed milk, cereals, pulses and other things.
Dr. Jivraj Mehta treated me. He pressed me hard to resume milk and cereals, but I was obdurate. The matter reached Gokhale’s ears. He had not much regard for my reasoning in favour of a fruitarian diet, and he wanted me to take whatever the doctor prescribed for my health.
It was no easy thing for me not to yield to Gokhale’s pressure. When he wo four hours for thinkin ion. returned home that ev had been with me in my experiment. He liked it, but I saw that he was agreeable to my givi i had to decide for myse experiment would me: and yet I found no flaw in them. The yield to Gokhale’s loving pressure abstain from milk, This gre Gokhale, but I trusted him In the evening Kallenbach and I called on Gokhale at the National Liberal Club. The first question he asked me was: ‘Well, have you decided to accept the doctor’s advice?’
I gently but firmly replied: ‘I am willing to yield on all points except one about which I beg you not to press me. I will not take milk, milk-products or meat. If not to take these things should mean my death, I feel I had better face it.’
‘Is this your final decision?’ asked Gokhale.
‘I am afraid I cannot decide otherwise,’ said I. ‘I know that my decision will pain you, but I beg your forgiveness.’
With a certain amount of pain but with deep affection, Gokhale said: ‘I do not approve of your decision. I do not see any religion in it. But I won’t press you any more.’ With these words he turned to Dr. Jivraj Mehta and said: ‘Please don’t worry him any more. Prescribe anything you like within the limit he has set for himself.’
The doctor expressed dissent, but was helpless. He advised me to take murig soup, with a dash of asafoetida in it. To this I agreed. I took it for a day or two, but it increased my pain. As I did not find it suitable, I went back to fruits and nuts. The doctor of course went on with his external treatment. The latter somewhat relieved my pain, but my restrictions were to him a sore handicap.
Meanwhile Gokhale left for home, as he could not stand the Octo- ber fogs of London.
XLII TREATMENT OF PLEURISY The persistence of the pleurisy caused some anxiety, but I knew that the cure lay not in taking medicine internally but in dietetic changes assisted by external remedies. on of vegetarian fame, who treated diseases by dietetic modifications and whom T had met in 1890. He thoroughly overhauled me. I explained to him how I had pledged myself not to take milk. He cheered me up and said; ‘You need not take milk. In fact I want you to do without any fat for some days.’ He then advised me to live on plain brown bread, raw vegetables such as beet, radish, onion and other tubers and greens, and also fresh fruit, mainly oranges. The vegetables were not to be cooked but merely grated fine, if I could not masticate them.
I adopted this for about three days, but raw vegetables did not quite suit me. My body was not in a condition to enable me to do full justice to the experiment. I was nervous about taking raw vegetables. 3 Dr. Allinson also advised me to keep all the windows of my room open for the whole twenty-four hours, bathe in tepid water, have an oil massage On the affected parts and a walk in the open for fifteen to thirty minutes. I liked all these suggestions.
264 MY EXPERIMENTS WITH TRUTH My room had French windows which, if kept wide open, would let jn the rain. The fanlight could not be opened. I therefore got the glass broken, so as to let in fresh air, and I partially opened the windows in a manner not to let in rain.
All these measures somewhat improved my health, but did not completely cure me.
Lady Cecilia Roberts occasionally called on me. We became friends. She wanted very much to persuade me to take milk. But as I was unyielding, she hunted about for a substitute for milk. Some friend suggested to her malted milk, assuring her quite unknowingly that it was absolutely free from milk, and that it was a chemical prepa- ration with all the properties of milk. Lady Cecilia, I knew, had a great regard for my religious scruples, and so I implicitly trusted her. I dissolved the powder in water and took it only to find that it tasted just like milk. I read the label on the bottle, to find, only too late, that it was a preparation of milk. So I gave it up.
I informed Lady Cecilia about the discovery, asking her not to worry over it. She came post haste to me to say how sorry she was. Her friend had not read the label at all. I begged her not to be anxious and expressed my regret that I could not avail myself of the thing she had procured with so much trouble. I also assured her that I did not at all feel upset or guilty over having taken milk under a misapprehension.
I must skip over many other sweet reminiscences of my contact with Lady Cecilia. I could think of many friends who have been a source of great comfort to me in the midst of trials and disappointments. One who has faith reads in them the merciful providence of God, who thus sweetens sorrow itself.
Dr. Allinson, when he next called, relaxed his restrictions and permitted me to have groundnut butter or olive oil for the sake of fat, and to take the vegetables cooked, if I chose, with rice. These changes were quite welcome, but they were far from giving me a complete cure. Very careful nursing was still necessary, and I was obliged to keep mostly in bed.
Dr. Mehta occasionally looked in to examine me and held out a standing offer to cure me if only I would listen to his advice.
Whilst things were going on in this way, Mr. Roberts one day came to see me and urged me very strongly to go home. ‘ You cannot pos- sibly go to Netley in this condition. There is still severer cold ahead of us. I would strongly advise you to get back to India, for it is only there that you can be completely cured. If, after your recovery, you should find the war still going on, you will have many opportunities there of rendering help. As it is, I do not regard what you have already done as by any means a mean contribution.’
I accepted his advice and began to make preparations for returning to India.