rather its Handmaid, serving to awaken and fix the Attention, that so we may judge rightly. Whatever charms, does so because of its Regularity and Proportion; otherwise, though it is Extraordinary and out of the Way, it will only be star’d on like a Monster, but can never be lik’d.
And tho’ a Thought is ever so fine and new, ever so well express’d, if it suits not with Decorum and good Manners, it is not just and fit, and therefore offends our Reason, and consequently has no real Charms, nor would afford us any Entertainment, if our Taste were not deprav’d.
But it must not be suppos’d that Womens Wit approaches those Heights which Men arrive at, or that they indulge those Liberties the other take. Decency lays greater Restraints on them, their Timorousness does them this one, and perhaps this only Piece of Service, it keeps them from breaking through these Restraints, and following their Masters and Guides in many of their daring and masculine Crimes. As the World goes, your Witty Men are usually distinguish’d by the Liberty they take with Religion, good Manners, or their Neighbours Reputation: But, _GOD_ be thank’d, it is not yet so bad, as that Women should form Cabals to propagate Atheism and Irreligion[1]. A Man then cannot hope to find a Woman whose Wit is of a Size with his, but when he doats on Wit, it is to be imagin’d he makes Choice of that which comes the nearest to his own.
Footnote 1: _This was wrote in the Beginning of the present Century._ Thus, whether it be Wit or Beauty that a Man’s in Love with, there are no great Hopes of a lasting Happiness; Beauty, with all the Helps of Art, is of no long Date; the more it is help’d, the sooner it decays; and he, who only or chiefly chose for Beauty, will in a little Time find the same Reason for another Choice. Nor is that sort of Wit which he prefers, of a more sure Tenure; or allowing it to last, it will not always please. For that which has not a real Excellency and Value in it self, entertains no longer than that giddy Humour which recommended it to us holds; and when we can like on no just, or on very little Ground, ’tis certain a Dislike will arise, as lightly and as unaccountably. And it is not improbable that such a Husband may in a little Time, by ill Usage, provoke such a Wife to exercise her Wit, that is, her Spleen on him, and then it is not hard to guess how very agreeable it will be to him.
In a word, when we have reckon’d up how many look no further than the making of their Fortune, as they call it; who don’t so much as propose to themselves any Satisfaction in the Woman to whom they plight their Faith, seeking only to be Masters of her Estate, that so they may have Money enough to indulge all their irregular Appetites; who think they are as good as can be expected, if they are but, according to the fashionable Term, _Civil Husbands_; when we have taken the Number of your giddy Lovers, who are not more violent in their Passion than they are certain to repent of it; when to these you have added such as marry without any Thought at all, further than that it is the Custom of the World, what others have done before them, that the Family must be kept up, the antient Race preserv’d, and therefore their kind Parents and Guardians choose as they think convenient, without ever consulting the Young one’s Inclinations, who must be satisfied, or pretend so at least, upon Pain of their Displeasure, and that heavy Consequence of it, Forfeiture of their Estate: These set aside, I fear there will be but a small Remainder to marry out of better Considerations; and even amongst the Few that do, not one in a Hundred takes Care to deserve his Choice.
But do the Women never choose amiss? Are the Men only in Fault? That is not pretended; for he who will be just, must be forced to acknowledge, that neither Sex are always in the right. A Woman, indeed, can’t properly be said to Choose; all that is allow’d her, is to Refuse or Accept what is offer’d. And when we have made such reasonable Allowances as are due to the Sex, perhaps they may not appear so much in Fault as one would at first imagine, and a generous Spirit will find more Occasion to Pity, than to Reprove. But sure I transgress——it must not be suppos’d that the Ladies can do amiss! He is but an ill-bred Fellow who pretends that they need Amendment! They are, no doubt on’t, always in the right, and most of all when they take Pity on distressed Lovers!
Whatever they _say_ carries an Authority that no Reason can resist, and all that they _do_ must needs be Exemplary! This is the Modish Language, nor is there a Man of Honour amongst the whole Tribe, that would not venture his Life, nay, and his Salvation too, in their Defence, if any but himself attempts to injure them. But I must ask Pardon if I can’t come up to these Heights, nor flatter them with the having no Faults, which is only a malicious Way of continuing and increasing their Mistakes.
Women, it’s true, ought to be treated with Civility; for since a little Ceremony and out-side Respect is all their Guard, all the Privilege that’s allow’d them, it were barbarous to deprive them of it; and because I would treat them civilly, I would not express my Civility at the usual rate. I would not, under Pretence of Honouring and paying a mighty Deference to the Ladies, call them Fools, or what’s worse, to their Faces; For what are all the fine Speeches and Submissions that are made, but an abusing them in a well-bred Way? She must be a Fool with a Witness, who can believe a Man, Proud and Vain as he is, will lay his boasted Authority, the Dignity and Prerogative of his Sex, one Moment at her Feet, but in Prospect of taking it up again to more Advantage; he may call himself her Slave a few Days, but it is only in order to make her his all the rest of his Life.
Indeed that mistaken Self-Love that reigns in the most of us, both Men and Women, that over-good Opinion we have of ourselves, and Desire that others should have of us, makes us swallow every Thing that looks like Respect, without examining how wide it is from what it appears to be.
For nothing is in Truth a greater Outrage than Flattery and feign’d Submissions; the plain _English_ of which is this, “I have a very mean Opinion both of your Understanding and Vertue; you are Weak enough to be impos’d on, and Vain enough to snatch at the Bait I throw; there’s no Danger of your finding out my Meaning, or disappointing me of my Ends. I offer you _Incense_, ’tis true, but you are like to pay for’t, and to make me a Recompence for your Folly, in imagining I would give my self this Trouble, did I not hope, nay, were I not sure, to find my own Account in it. If for nothing else, you’ll serve at least as an Exercise of my Wit; and how much soever you swell with my Breath, ’tis I deserve the Praise for talking so well on so poor a Subject. We, who make the Idols, are the greater Deities; and as we set you up, so it is in our Power to reduce you to your first Obscurity, or to somewhat worse, to Contempt; you are therefore only on your good Behaviour, and are like to be no more than what we please to make you.” This is the Flatterer’s Language aside, this is the true Sense of his Heart, whatever his Grimace may be before the Company.
And if this be the true Meaning of honourable Courtship, what is meant by that Jargon, that Profusion of Love and Admiration which passes for Gallantry, when either of the Parties are married? Is it not the utmost Scurrility, in that it supposes she is, or that he hopes to make her, what good Manners forbids to name? And since he makes so free with the Lady’s Honour, can she afford him a civiller Answer, than what her Footman may deliver with a Crab-tree? But I correct my self,——this might be the Air of a haughty _Roman_ Prude; our _British_ Beauties are far more Gentle and Well-bred. And he who has the same Designs upon other Mens Relations, is sometimes so civil as to bear with the Outrages offer’d to his own.
Not but that ’tis possible, and sometimes Matter of Fact, to express our selves beyond the Truth in Praise of a Person, and yet not be guilty of Flattery; but then we must Think what we Say, and Mean what we Profess.
We may be so blinded by some Passion or other, especially Love, which in Civil and Good-natur’d Persons is apt to exceed, as to believe some Persons more deserving than really they are, and to pay them greater Respect and Kindness than is in Strictness due to them. But this is not the present Case; for our fine Speech-makers doat too much on themselves to have any great Passion for another. Their Eyes are commonly too much fix’d on their own Excellencies, to view another’s good Qualities through a Magnifying-Glass; at least if ever they turn that End of the Perspective towards their Neighbours, ’tis only in Respect and Reference to themselves. They are their own Centres, they find a Disproportion in every Line that does not tend thither, and in the next Visit they make, you shall hear all the fine Things they had said, repeated to the new Object, and nothing remembred of the former but her Vanity, or something else as ridiculous, which serves for a Foil, or a Whet to Discourse. For let there be ever so many Wits in the Company, Conversation would languish, and they would be at a Loss, did not a little Censoriousness come in at a Need to help them.
Let us then treat the Ladies as civilly as may be, but let us not do it by Flattering them, but by endeavouring to make them such as may truly deserve our hearty Esteem and Kindness. Men ought really for their own Sakes, to do what in them lies to make Women Wise and Good, and then it might be hoped they themselves would effectually Study and Practice that Wisdom and Vertue they recommend to others. But so long as Men, even the best of them, who do not outrage the Women they pretend to adore, have base and unworthy Ends to serve, it is not to be expected that they should consent to such Methods as would certainly disappoint them. They would have their own Relations do well; it is their Interest: but it sometimes happens to be for their Turn that another Man’s should not, and then their Generosity fails them, and no Man is apter to find Fault with another’s dishonourable Actions, than he who is ready to do, or perhaps has done the same himself.
And as Men have little Reason to expect Happiness when they marry only for the Love of Money, Wit, or Beauty, as has been already shewn, so much less can a Woman expect a tolerable Life, when she goes upon these Considerations. Let the Business be carried as prudently as it can be on the Woman’s Side, a reasonable Man can’t deny that she has by much the harder Bargain: because she puts her self intirely into her Husband’s Power, and if the Matrimonial Yoke be grievous, neither Law nor Custom afford her that Redress which a Man obtains. He who has Sovereign Power does not value the Provocations of a Rebellious Subject; he knows how to subdue him with Ease, and will make himself obey’d: But Patience and Submission are the only Comforts that are left to a poor People, who groan under Tyranny, unless they are Strong enough to break the Yoke, to Depose and Abdicate, which, I doubt, would not be allow’d of here. For whatever may be said against Passive-Obedience in another Case, I suppose there’s no Man but likes it very well in this; how much soever Arbitrary Power may be dislik’d on a Throne, not _Milton_, nor _B. H—_, nor any of the Advocates of Resistance, would cry up Liberty to poor _Female Slaves_, or plead for the Lawfulness of Resisting a private Tyranny.
If there be a Disagreeableness of Humours, this, in my Mind, is harder to be born than greater Faults, as being a continual Plague, and for the most Part incurable. Other Vices a Man may grow weary of, or may be convinced of the Evil of them, he may forsake them, or they him, but his Humour and Temper are seldom, if ever, put off. Ill-nature sticks to him from his Youth to his grey Hairs, and a Boy that’s Humorous and Proud, makes a Peevish, Positive, and Insolent Old Man. Now if this be the Case, and the Husband be full of Himself, obstinately bent on his own Way, with or without Reason, if he be one who must be always Admir’d, always Humour’d, and yet scarce knows what will please him; if he has Prosperity enough to keep him from considering, and to furnish him with a Train of Flatterers and obsequious Admirers; and Learning and Sense enough to make him a Fop in Perfection; for a Man can never be a compleat Coxcomb, unless he has a considerable Share of these to value himself upon; What can the poor Woman do? The Husband is too Wise to be Advis’d, too Good to be Reform’d, she must follow all his Paces, and tread in all his unreasonable Steps, or there is no Peace, no Quiet for her; she must Obey with the greatest Exactness, ’tis in vain to expect any manner of Compliance on his Side, and the more she complies the more she may; his fantastical Humours grow with her Desire to gratify them, for Age increases Opinionatry in some, as well as it does Experience in others. Of such sort of Folks as these it was that _Soloman_ spake, when he said, _Seest thou a Man wise in his own Conceit, there is more hope of a Fool than of him_; That is, the profligate Sinner, such a one being always a Fool in _Solomon’s_ Language, is in a fairer Way of being convinc’d of his Folly, and brought to Reason, than the Proud, Conceited Man. That Man, indeed, can never be good at Heart, who is full of Himself and his own Endowments: Not that it is necessary, because it is not possible (humanly speaking) for one to be totally ignorant of his own good Qualities, I had almost said, he _ought_ to have a modest Sense of ’em, otherwise he can’t be duly thankful, nor make the Use of them that is required, to the Glory of _GOD_, and the Good of Mankind; but he views them in a wrong Light, if he discerns any Thing that may exalt him above his Neighbours, make him over-look their Merit, or treat them with Neglect or Contempt. He ought to behold them with Fear and Trembling, as Talents which he has freely receiv’d, and for which he is highly Accountable, and therefore they should not excite his Pride, but his Care and Industry.
And if Pride and Self-conceit keep a Man who has some good Qualities, and is not so bad as the most of his Neighbours, from growing better, it for certain confirms and hardens the Wicked in his Crimes, it sets him up for a Wit, that is, according to modern Acceptation, one who rallies all that is serious, a Contemner of the Priests first, and then of the Deity Himself. For Penitence and Self-condemnation are what his Haughtiness cannot bear, and since his Crimes have brought upon him the Reproaches of his own Mind, since he will not take the regular Way to be rid of them, which is, by Humbling himself, and making his Peace with Heaven, he bids Defiance to it, and wou’d, if he could, believe there is no future State, no After-retribution, because he has too just Reason to fear it.
If therefore it be a Woman’s hard Fate to meet with a disagreeable Temper, and of all others, the Haughty, Imperious, and Self-conceited are the most so, she is as unhappy as any Thing in this World can make her. For when a Wife’s Temper does not please, if she makes her Husband uneasy, he can find Entertainments Abroad; he has a hundred Ways of relieving himself; but neither Prudence nor Duty will allow a Woman to fly out: her Business and Entertainment are at home; and tho’ he makes it ever so uneasy to her, she must be content, and make her best on’t.
She who elects a Monarch for Life, who gives him an Authority, she cannot recall, however he misapply it, who puts her Fortune and Person entirely in his Power, nay, even the very Desires of her Heart, according to some learned Casuists, so as that it is not lawful to Will or Desire any Thing but what he approves and allows, had need be very sure that she does not make a Fool her Head, nor a Vicious Man her Guide and Pattern; she had best stay till she can meet with one who has the Government of his own Passions, and has duly regulated his own Desires, since he is to have such an absolute Power over hers. But he who doats on a Face, he who makes Money his Idol, he who is charm’d with vain and empty Wit, gives no such Evidence, either of Wisdom or Goodness, that a Woman of any tolerable Sense shou’d care to venture her self to his Conduct.
Indeed, your fine Gentleman’s Actions are now a-days such, that did not Custom and the Dignity of his Sex give Weight and Authority to them, a Woman that thinks twice might bless her self, and say, Is this the Lord and Master to whom I am to promise Love, Honour and Obedience? What can be the Object of Love but amiable Qualities, the Image of the Deity impress’d upon a generous and godlike Mind, a Mind that is above this World, to be sure above all the Vices, the Tricks and Baseness of it; a Mind that is not full of it self, nor contracted to little private Interests, but which, in Imitation of that glorious Pattern it endeavours to copy after, expands and diffuses it self to its utmost Capacity in doing Good. But this fine Gentleman is quite of another Strain, he is the Reverse of this in every Instance. He is, I confess, very fond of his own Dear Person, he sees very much in it to admire; his Air and Mien, his Words and Actions, every Motion he makes, declare it; but they must have a Judgment of his Size, every whit as shallow, and a Partiality as great as his own, who can be of his Mind. How then can I Love? And if not Love, much less Honour. Love may arise from Pity, or a generous Desire to make that Lovely which as yet is not so, when we see any hopes of Success in our Endeavours of improving it; but Honour supposes some excellent Qualities already, something worth our Esteem; but, alas! there is nothing more contemptible than this Trifle of a Man, this meer Out-side, whose Mind is as base and mean as his external Pomp is glittering. His Office or Title apart, to which some ceremonious Observance must be paid for Order’s sake, there’s nothing in him that can command our Respect. Strip him of Equipage and Fortune, and such Things as only dazle our Eyes and Imaginations, but don’t in any measure affect our Reason, or cause a Reverence in our Hearts, and the poor Creature sinks beneath our Notice, because not supported by real Worth.
And if a Woman can neither Love nor Honour, she does ill in promising to Obey, since she is like to have a crooked Rule to regulate her Actions.
A Meer Obedience, such as is paid only to Authority, and not out of Love and a Sense of the Justice and Reasonableness of the Command, will be of an uncertain Tenure. As it can’t but be uneasy to the Person who pays it, so he who receives it will be sometimes disappointed when he expects to find it: For that Woman must be endow’d with a Wisdom and Goodness much above what we suppose the Sex capable of, I fear much greater than any Man can pretend to, who can so constantly conquer her Passions, and divert her self even of Innocent Self-love, as to give up the Cause when she is in the Right, and to submit her inlightned Reason, to the imperious Dictates of a blind Will, and wild Imagination, even when she clearly perceives the ill Consequences of it, the Imprudence, nay, Folly and Madness of such a Conduct.
And if a Woman runs such a Risque when she marries prudently, according to the Opinion of the World, that is, when she permits her self to be dispos’d of to a Man equal to her in Birth, Education and Fortune, and as good as the most of his Neighbours, (for if none were to marry, but Men of strict Vertue and Honour, I doubt the World would be but thinly Peopled) if at the very best her Lot is hard, what can she expect who is Sold, or any otherwise betray’d into mercenary Hands, to one who is in all, or most respects, unequal to her? A Lover who comes upon what is call’d equal Terms, makes no very advantageous Proposal to the Lady he courts, and to whom he seems to be an humble Servant. For under many sounding Compliments, Words that have nothing in them, this is his true Meaning; He wants one to manage his Family, an House-keeper, one whose Interest it will be not to wrong him, and in whom therefore he can put greater Confidence than in any he can hire for Money. One who may breed his Children, taking all the Care and Trouble of their Education, to preserve his Name and Family. One whose Beauty, Wit, or good Humour and agreeable Conversation, will entertain him at Home when he has been contradicted and disappointed Abroad; who will do him that Justice the ill-natur’d World denies him; that is, in any one’s Language but his own, sooth his Pride and flatter his Vanity, by having always so much good Sense as to be on his Side, to conclude him in the Right, when others are so ignorant, or so rude, as to deny it. Who will not be blind to his Merit nor contradict his Will and Pleasure, but make it her Business, her very Ambition to content him; whose Softness and gentle Compliance will calm his Passions, to whom he may safely disclose his troublesome Thoughts, and in her Breast discharge his Cares; whose Duty, Submission and Observance, will heal those Wounds other Peoples Opposition or Neglect have given him. In a word, one whom he can intirely Govern, and consequently may form her to his Will and Liking, who must be his for Life, and therefore cannot quit his Service, let him treat her how he will.
And if this be what every Man expects, the Sum of his violent Love and Courtship, when it is put into Sense, and rendred Intelligible, to what a fine pass does she bring her self who purchases a Lord and Master, not only with her Money, but with what is of greater Value, at the Price of her Discretion! Who has not so much as that poor Excuse, Precedent and Example; or if she has, they are only such as all the World condemns?
She will not find him less a Governor because she was once his Superior, on the contrary, the Scum of the People are most Tyrannical when they get the Power, and treat their Betters with the greatest Insolence. For, as the wise Man long since observ’d, A Servant when he Reigns, is one of those Things for which the Earth is disquieted, and which no body is able to bear.
It is the hardest Thing in the World for a Woman to know that a Man is not Mercenary, that he does not act on base and ungenerous Principles, even when he is her Equal, because being absolute Master, she and all the Grants he makes her are in his Power, and there have been but too many Instances of Husbands, that by wheedling, or threatning their Wives, by seeming Kindness, or cruel Usage, have persuaded, or forc’d them out of what has been settled on them. So that the Woman has in Truth no Security but the Man’s Honour and Good-nature, a Security that in this present Age no wise Person would venture much upon. A Man enters into Articles very readily before Marriage, and so he may, for he performs no more of them afterwards than he thinks fit. A Wife must never dispute with her Husband; his Reasons are now, no doubt on’t, better than hers, whatever they were before; he is sure to persuade her out of her Agreement, and bring her, it must be suppos’d, _Willingly_, to give up what she did vainly hope to obtain, and what she thought had been made sure to her. And if she shews any Refractoriness, there are Ways enough to humble her; so that by Right or Wrong the Husband gains his Will. For Covenants between Husband and Wife, like Laws in an Arbitrary Government, are of little Force, the Will of the Sovereign is All in All. Thus it is in Matter of Fact, I will not answer for the Right of it; for if the Woman’s Reasons, upon which those Agreements are grounded, are not just and good, why did he consent to them? Was it because there was no other Way to obtain his Suit, and with an Intention to annul them when it shall be in his Power? Where then is his Sincerity? But if her Reasons are good, where is his Justice in obliging her to quit them? He neither way acts like an equitable or honest Man.
But when a Woman marries unequally and beneath her self, there is almost Demonstration that the Man is sordid and unfair; that instead of loving her he only loves himself, trapans and ruins her to serve his own Ends.
For if he had not a mighty Opinion of himself, (which Temper is like to make an admirable Husband) he would never imagine that his Person and good Qualities could make Compensation for all the Advantages she quits on his Account. If he had a real Esteem for her, or valued her Reputation, he would not expose it, nor have her Discretion call’d in Question for his sake; and if he truly lov’d her, he would not reduce her to Straits and a narrow Fortune, nor so much as lessen her way of Living to better his own. For since God has placed different Ranks in the World, put some in a higher, and some in a lower Station, for Order and Beauty’s sake, and for many good Reasons; though it is both our Wisdom and Duty not only to submit with Patience, but to be thankful and well-satisfied, when by his Providence we are brought low, yet there is no manner of Reason for us to degrade our selves; on the contrary, much why we ought not. The better our Lot is in this World, and the more we have of it, the greater is our Leisure to prepare for the next; we have the more Opportunity to exercise that God-like Quality, to taste that Divine Pleasure, doing Good to the Bodies and Souls of those beneath us.
Is it not then ill Manners to Heaven, and an irreligious Contempt of its Favours, for a Woman to slight that nobler Employment, to which it has assign’d her, and thrust her self down to a meaner Drudgery, to what is in the very literal Sense a caring for the Things of the World, a caring not only to Please, but to Maintain a Husband?
And a Husband so chosen will not at all abate of his Authority and Right to Govern, whatever fair Promises he might make before. She has made him her Head, and he thinks himself as well qualified as the Best to act accordingly, nor has she given him any such Evidence of her Prudence as may dispose him to make an Act of Grace in her Favour. Besides, great Obligations are what Superiors cannot bear, they are more than can be return’d; to acknowledge were only to reproach themselves with Ingratitude, and therefore the readiest Way is, not to own, but over-look them, or rather, as too many do, to repay them with Affronts and Injuries.
What then is to be done? How must a Man choose, and what Qualities must incline a Woman to accept, that so our married Couple may be as happy as that State can make them? This is no hard Question; let the Soul be principally consider’d, and Regard had in the first place to a good Understanding, a vertuous Mind; and in all other respects let there be as much Equality as may be. If they are good Christians and of suitable Tempers all will be well; but I should be shrewdly tempted to suspect their Christianity who marry after any of those Ways we have been speaking of. I dare venture to say, that they don’t act according to the Precepts of the Gospel, they neither shew the Wisdom of the Serpent, nor the Innocency of the Dove; they have neither so much Government of themselves, nor so much Charity for their Neighbours; they neither take such Care not to scandalize others, nor to avoid Temptations themselves, are neither so much above this World, nor so affected with the next, as they would certainly be, did the Christian Religion operate in their Hearts, did they rightly understand, and sincerely practise it, or acted _indeed_ according to the Spirit of the Gospel.
But it is not enough to enter wisely into this State, Care must be taken of our Conduct afterwards. A Woman will not want being admonish’d of her Duty; the Custom of the World, Oeconomy, every Thing almost reminds her of it. Governors do not often suffer their Subjects to forget Obedience through their want of demanding it; perhaps Husbands are but too forward on this Occasion, and claim their Right oftner and more imperiously than either Discretion or good Manners will justify, and might have both a more chearful and constant Obedience paid them if they were not so rigorous in exacting it. For there is a mutual Stipulation, and Love, Honour, and Worship, by which certainly Civility and Respect at least are meant, are as much the Woman’s Due, as Love, Honour and Obedience are the Man’s. And being the Woman is said to be the weaker Vessel, the Man should be more careful not to grieve or offend her. Since her Reason is suppos’d to be less, and her Passions stronger than his, he should not give Occasion to call that Supposition in Question by his pettish Carriage and needless Provocations. Since he is the _Man_, by which very word Custom would have us understand not only greatest Strength of Body, but even greatest Firmness and Force of Mind, he should not play the _little Master_ so much as to expect to be cocker’d, nor run over to that Side which the Woman us’d to be rank’d in; for, according to the Wisdom of the _Italians, Will you? Is spoken to sick Folks_.
Indeed Subjection, according to the common Notion of it, is not over easy; none of us, whether Men or Women, but have so good an Opinion of our own Conduct, as to believe we are fit, if not to direct others, at least to govern our selves. Nothing but a sound Understanding, and Grace, the best Improver of Natural Reason, can correct this Opinion, truly humble us, and heartily reconcile us to Obedience. This bitter Cup therefore ought to be sweetned as much as may be; for Authority may be preserv’d and Government kept inviolable, without that nauseous Ostentation of Power, which serves to no End or Purpose, but to blow up the Pride and Vanity of those who have it, and to exasperate the Spirits of such as must truckle under it.
Insolence is never the Effect of Power but in weak and cowardly Spirits, who wanting true _Merit_ and Judgment to support themselves in that Advantageous Ground on which they stand, are ever appealing to their Authority, and making a Shew of it to maintain their Vanity and Pride. A truly great Mind, and such as is fit to Govern, tho’ it may stand on its Right with its Equals, and modestly expect what is due to it even from its Superiors, yet it never contends with its Inferiors, nor makes use of its Superiority but to do them Good. So that considering the just Dignity of Man, his great Wisdom so conspicuous on all Occasions! the Goodness of his Temper, and Reasonableness of all his Commands, which make it a Woman’s Interest as well as Duty to be observant and obedient in all Things; that his Prerogative is settled by an undoubted Right and the Prescription of many Ages; it cannot be suppos’d, that he should make frequent and insolent Claims of an Authority so well establish’d and us’d with such Moderation, nor give an impartial By-stander (could such an one be found) any Occasion from thence to suspect that he is inwardly conscious of the Badness of his Title; Usurpers being always most desirous of Recognitions, and busy in imposing Oaths, whereas a Lawful Prince contents himself with the usual Methods and Securities.
And since Power does naturally puff up, and he who finds himself exalted, seldom fails to think he _ought_ to be so, it is more suitable to a Man’s Wisdom and Generosity, to be mindful of his great Obligations, than to insist on his Rights and Prerogatives. Sweetness of Temper and an obliging Carriage are so justly due to a Wife, that a Husband who must not be thought to want either Understanding to know what is fit, nor Goodness to perform it, can’t be suppos’d not to shew them. For setting aside the Hazard of her Person to keep up his Name and Family, with all the Pains and Trouble that attend it, which may well be thought great enough to deserve all the Respect and Kindness that may be; setting this aside, though ’tis very considerable, a Woman has so much the Disadvantage in _most_, I was about to say, in _all_ Things, that she makes a Man the greatest Compliment in the World when she condescends to take him _for Better for Worse_. She puts her self intirely in his Power, leaves all that is dear to her, her Friends and Family, to espouse his Interests and follow his Fortune, and makes it her Business and Duty to please him! What Acknowledgments, what Returns can he make? What Gratitude can be sufficient for such Obligations? She shews her good Opinion of him by the great Trust she reposes in him, and what a Brute must he be who betrays that Trust, or acts any way unworthy of it? Ingratitude is one of the basest Vices, and if a Man’s Soul is sunk so low as to be guilty of it towards her who has so generously oblig’d him, and who so intirely depends on him, if he can treat her disrespectfully, who has so fully testified her Esteem of him, she must have a Stock of Vertue which he should blush to discern, if she can pay him that Obedience of which he is so unworthy.
Superiors indeed are too apt to forget the common Privileges of Mankind; that their Inferiors share with them the greatest Benefits, and are as capable as themselves of enjoying the supreme Good; that though the Order of the World requires an _Outward_ Respect and Obedience from some to others, yet the Mind is free, nothing but Reason can oblige it, ’tis out of the Reach of the most absolute Tyrant. Nor will it ever be well either with those who Rule or those in Subjection, even from the Throne to every private Family, till those in Authority look on themselves as plac’d in that Station for the Good and Improvement of their Subjects, and not for their own Sakes; not as the Reward of their Merit, or that they may prosecute their own Desires and fulfil all their Pleasure, but as the Representatives of God, whom they ought to imitate in the Justice and Equity of their Laws, in doing Good and communicating Blessings to all beneath them: By which, and not by following the imperious Dictates of their own Will, they become truly Great and Illustrious, and worthily fill their Place. And the Governed for their Part, ceasing to envy the Pomp and Name of Authority, should respect their Governors as placed in _GOD_’s stead, and contribute what they can to ease them of their real Cares, by a chearful and ready Compliance, with their good Endeavours, and by affording them the Pleasure of Success in such noble and generous Designs.
For, upon a due Estimate, Things are pretty equally divided; those in Subjection, as they have a less Glorious, so they have an easier Task and a less Account to give; Whereas he who Commands, has in a great measure the Faults of others to answer for as well as his own. ’Tis true, he has the Pleasure of doing more Good than a private Person can, and shall receive the Reward of it when Time shall be no more, in