“ Oh, I didn’t have a bad night,” replied Binoy.
After this they had nothing more to say to each other.
The dew on the bamboo clumps on the river-bank began to glisten golden in the first rays of sunrise. Never before had these two witnessed such a dawn. Never before had the light touched them in such a wav. For the first time they realised that tho sky is not empty, but gazes, filled with a silent joy of wonder, at each fresh unfolding of creation. The consciousness of each of them was so stimulated that it also became alive to its own close touch with the grand consciousness under¬ lying the universe. And so it was that neither of them could utter a word.
The steamer reached Calcutta. Binoy hired a cab and, placing Lolita inside, took his seat beside the driver. Who can say why it was that, while driving through the streets of Calcutta, the wind for Lolita had veered round and become contrary? That in this difficult situation Binoy should have been with her on the steamer, and had become en¬ tangled with her affairs so intimately; that he should now be taking her along home, as if he were her guardian; this was what weighed heavily on her mind. It seemed unbearable to her that, by force of circumstances, Binoy should seem to have acquired tho rights of authority over her. Why had it turned out so? Why did the music of the previous night stop on such a harsh note as soon as sho was confronted with her work-a- Therefore, when Binoy had said, as they arrived at the door of her home: “ Now I must be going,” she felt her irritation increasing. Did he believe she was afraid to go into her father s presence with him? She wanted to show in the clearest manner that she was not in the least ashamed of herself, and was quite ready to tell her father everything. So she could not have Binoy slinking away from the door, as if she were indeed a culprit. She wished to make her relationship with Binoy as clear as it had been before; she did not want- to belittle herself in his eyes by allowing any of last night’s illusions and hesita¬ tions to persist in the broad light of day.
GORA CDAP.
CHAPTER XXXI The moment Satish caught sight of Binoy and Lolita, he rushed up between them and, holding a hand of each, said: “ Where’s Sucharita? Hasn’t she come? ” Binoy felt in his pocket, and looked all about him. “ Sucha¬ rita! ” he cried. Yes, that’s so, where can she be? By Jove, she’s lost! ” “ Don’t be silly,” cried Satish, giving Binoy a push. Do tell me, Lolita Didi, where is she? ” “ Sucharita will come to-morrow,” answered Lolita, and with that she proceeded towards Parcsh Babu’s room.
Satish tried to pull them along, saying: “ Come and see who has come.”
But Lolita snatched her hand away and said: “ Don’t worry us now. I want to see father.”
“ Father has gone out,” Satish informed her, “ and won’t be back for a long time.”
At this both Binoy and Lolita felt that they had gained some breathing space.
“ Who has come, did you say? ” asked Lolita.
“ I won’t tell you! ” said Satish.—*' You try, Binoy Babu, see if you can guess who has come. You’ll never be able to, I’m sure! Never! ” Binoy suggested all sorts of impossible names, such as Nawab Surajuddaula, King Nabakrishna and even Nandakumar. Satish said “ No ” to each name in a shrill voice, giving con¬ clusive proof of the impossibility of such guests coming to their house. Binoy acknowledged his defeat humbly, saying: “ That is so, I had forgotten that Nawab Surajuddaula would find a good many inconveniences in this house. However, first let your sister go and investigate the mystery, and then if necessary you can call me.”
“ No, you must both come together! ” persisted Satish.
“ Which room must we go to? ” asked Lolita.
“ Top floor,” said Satish.
Right at the top of the house was a little room in one corner of the terrace, with a tiled verandah on the south as a pro¬ tection against sun and rain. Obediently following Satish they went upstairs and saw, seated on a small mat under the tiled verandah, a middle-aged woman with spectacles, reading the Ramayana. One side-spring of her glasses was broken and the string which took its place was hanging over her ear. Her age XXXI GORA seemed about forty-five. Her hair was getting rather thin in front, but her complexion was fresh, and her face still plump like a ripe fruit. Between her eyebrows was a permanent caste mark, but she wore no ornaments and her dress was that of a widow.
As her glance fell on Lolita, she quickly took off her spec¬ tacles, put down her book, and gazed at her with a certain amount of eagerness. Then when she saw Binoy behind, she rose hastily and, drawing her sari over the back of her head, made as if she would retire, into the room. But Satish seized hold of her and said: “ Auntie, why arc you running away? This is my sister Lolita, and that is Binoy Babu. My elder sister will come to-morrow.” This brief introduction seemed sufficient, and there was no doubt that Satish had given a full and particular account of his friend beforehand, for whenever Satish got the opportunity to speak on such subjects as were of interest to him, he never kept anything back.
Lolita stood speechless, at a loss to make out who this " Auntie ” of Satish’s might be. But finding that Binoy promptly made his salutation by bending to take the dust of her feet, she followed suit.
Auntie now brought a large mat from the room and, spread¬ ing it out, said: “ Sit down, my son; sit down, little mother.” And when Binoy and Lolita were seated she took her own seat; whereupon Satish snuggled up to her. With her arm round Satish, she said to the newcomers: “You probably do not know me. 1 am Satish’s aunt — Satish’s mother was my sister.”
It was not so much the few words of this introduction, but something in her face and tone of voice, which seemed to hint of a tear-purified life of sorrow.
When she said “ I am Satish’s aunt,” pressing little Satish to her bosom, Binoy, without knowing anything further of her history, felt a deep sense of compassion. He said: “ It won’t do for you to be only Satish’s auntie. I shall have my quarrel with him if he monopolises you like that! It’s bad enough that he should insist on calling me Binoy Babu, and not Dada, — on top of that I will not stand his doing me out of an aunt! ” It never took long for Binoy to win over people, and this pleasant-spoken, bright-looking young man was in less than no time joint proprietor of Auntie’s heart. “ And where is my sister, your mother, my son? ” she inquired.
“ I lost my own mother long years ago,” said Binoy, “ but I can’t bring myself to say that I have no mother,” and his 160 GORA chap.
eyes became moist at the thought of what Anandamoyi meant to him.
They were soon talking away together so briskly that no one could have guessed they had only just met. Satish now and then joined in with his irrelevant chatter, but Lolita remained silent.
Lolita had always been reserved, and it took her long to overcome the barrier of unfamiliarity with a new acquaintance. Moreover, her mind was not at ease. So shedid not quite like the readiness with which Binoy had taken to this unknown person. She blamed him in her mind for being too light-hearted and not taking seriously enough the extremely difficult position into which she had been plunged. Not that Binoy would have fared any better in her good graces by sitting silent with a glum face. Had he dared do so, Lolita would certainly have resented such assumption of responsibility on his part for a burden which rested between her and her father alone.
The real fact was that what had seemed music overnight now only jangled on her nerves, and in consequence nothing that Binoy could do seemed to her right, or to mend matters. God alone knew what could have served to get rid of the root of the trouble! Why blame as unreasonable theso women, whoso very life is emotion, for the curious courses into which their hearts lead them? If the foundation of love be right, the leadership of the heart becomes so simple and sweet that reason has to hide its head in shame, but if there be any defect in this foundation, then the intellect is powerless to correct it, and it becomes futile to ask for any explanation, whether it be of attraction or repulsion, laughter or tears.
It was getting later and later, and yet Paresh Babu had not returned. The impulse to $et up and go home became stronger and stronger, and Binoy tried to control it by not allowing the conversation with Satish’s aunt to Hag for a moment. At last Lolita could restrain her vexation no longer, and she suddenly interrupted Binoy by saying: “ For whom are you waiting? There’s no saying how long father will bo. Shouldn’t you rather be going to Gourmohan Babu’s mother? ” Binoy winced, — this vexed tone of Lolita's was only too well known to him! He cast one glance at her face and then leapt to his feet with the suddenness of a bow when its string has snapped. For whom had he been waiting indeed? He had never plumed himself on his presence being indispensable here at this juncture, — in fact at the door he had been about to take liis departure, and had only stayed on at Lolita’s xxxii GORA 161 express desire; and now to be asked this question by her!
Lolita was startled at the suddenness with which Binoy rose from his seat. She could see that the usual smile on his face had vanished as completely as the light of a lamp which has been blown out. She had never before seen him so crestfallen, so wounded, and as she looked on him her remorse stung her like a whip*lash.
Satish jumped up and, hanging on to Binoy’s arm, begged and pleaded: “ Binoy Babu, do sit down, don’t go yet. — Auntie, please ask Binoy Babu to stay to breakfast. — Lolita, why did you tell Binoy Babu to go? ” No, Satish, ray boy, not to-day! ” said Binoy. “ If Auntie will be kind enough to remember me, I’ll come and have something with you another day. It’s too late to-day.”
Even Satish’s aunt noticed the pain in his voice, and her heart went out to him. She glanced timidly from Binoy to Lolita, and could divine that some drama of fate was being played behind the scenes.
Lolita made some excuse and retired to her room, to weep, as she had made herself weep so many times before.
CHAPTER XXXII Binoy went off at once to Anandamoyi’s house, tortured with mixed feelings of humiliation and self-reproach. Why had he not come straight to mother? What a fool lie had been to imagine that Lolita had any special need of him! God had punished him rightly for not having left every other duty to run to Anandaraoyi, the moment be arrived in Calcutta, —so that the question had to come from Lolita’s lips: “ Shouldn’t you go to see Gora’s mother? ” Was it possible for a single moment that the thought of Gora’s mother should be more important to Lolita than to Binoy? Lolita knew her only as Gour Babu’s mother, but to Binoy she was the image of all the mothers in the world!
Anandamoyi had just finished her bath and was Bitting alone in her room, seemingly wrapt in meditation, when Binoy came in and prostrated himself at her feet with the cry: " Binoy! ” she said, caressing his bowed head with her bands- 162 GORA chap.
Whose voice ia like that of a mother’s? The very sound of his name uttered by Anandamoyi seemed to soothe his whole being. Controlling his emotion with an effort, he said softly: “ Mother, I’ve been too long in coming! ” “ I’ve heard everything, Binoy,” said Anandamoyi gently.
“ You’ve already heard the news! ” exclaimed the startled Binoy.
It appeared that Gora had written a letter from the police station and had sent it through the lawyer, in which he had told her of tho probability of his having to go to gaol. At the end of this letter he wrote: “ Prison can do no harm to your Gora, but he won’t bo able to bear it if it gives you the least pain. Your sorrow can be his only punishment, — the Magistrate can give no other. But, mother, don’t be thinking only of your child. There are many other mother’s sons lying in gaol, — through no fault of theirs, — I would stand on the same ground with them and share their hardships. If this wish of mine is fated to be fulfilled this time, pray do not let that distress you.
“ You may not remember it, mother, but in the year of the famine I once left my purse on the table, in the room looking out on to the street. When I came back after a few minutes I saw that the purse had been stolen. In it were the fifty rupees of my scholarship, which I was saving up for a silver basin for bathing your feet. While I was burning with useless anger against the thief, God suddenly brought me to my senses, and I said to myself: ' But that money is my gift to the fammc-strickcn man who took it.’ No sooner had I said this than that fruitless regret vanished, leaving my mind in peace. So to-day I say to myself: * I am going to gaol voluntarily, of my own accord, without regrets, or anger, simply to take its shelter.’ There is a certain amount of inconvenience in its food and other arrangements, but during my recent tramp I accepted hospitality of all sorts and conditions of people and did not always get my accustomed comforts, or oven necessities, in their houses. What we accept of our own free will ceases to be a hardship, so you may rest assured that it is not a question of any one forcibly keeping me in gaol, — I go there, willing and content.
“ While in the enjoyment of our comforts at home, we are quite unable to appreciate what an immense privilege it is to have the freedom of the outside air and light — we arc all the time forgetful of the multitudes who, with or without fault of their own, are subjected to confinement and insult and XXXII GORA deprived of this God-given privilege. We give no thought to these multitudes, nor feel any kinship with them. 1 now want to be branded with the same stigma as they, not to keep myself clear by hanging on to the goody-goody majority who arc dressed up to look respectable.
“ I have learnt much of life, mother, after this experience of the world. Those who are content to pose as judges are, most of them, to be pitied. Those who are in prison are bearing the punishment for the sins of those who judge others, but not themselves. The faults of many go to the making of a crime, but only these unfortunates have to bear the brunt of it. When, or how, or where, the sin of those who arc living comfortable and respectable lives outside the prison walls will be expiated, we do not know. But for myself, I cry shame on that smug respectability of theirs, and prefer to carry on my breast the brand of man's infamy. Give me your blessing, mother, and do not weep for me. Sree Krishna all bis days bore on his breast the mark of Bhrigu’s kick, and so do the assaults of arrogance make deeper and deeper their impress on the breast of God. If He- has accepted this mark as His ornament, then why be anxious for me, what cause have you for sorrow ou my account? ” On receiving this letter Anandamoyi had tried to send Mohim to Gora, but Moliim said: “ There's my office. The sahib will never give me leave ”; and he proceeded to fly out against Gora for his rashness and folly. “ I'll be losing my job one of these days simply because of our relationship,” he concluded.
Anandamoyi did not think it necessary to approach Krish- nadayal at all, for on the subject of Gora she was abnormally sensitive so far as her husband was concerned. She knew quite well that he had never given to Gora the place of a son in his heart, rather he felt a sort of hostility against him. Gora had always stood between them as the Vindhya mountain range, dividing their married life. On the one side was Krish- nadayal with all bis paraphernalia of strict orthodoxy, and on the other Anandamoyi alone with her untouchable Gora. It seemed as though all intercourse was closed between these two who alone in the whole world knew Gora’s history.
Thus Anandamoyi’s aflection for Gora had become wholly her own treasure. She tried in every way to make his life in that family, where he was merely on sufferance, as easy as possible. Her incessant anxiety was to prevent any one from being able to say: this has happened because of your Gora, GORA CIIAP.
GORA CIIAP.
or we have had to submit to this calumny owing to your Gora, or we have suffered this loss through your Gora! The whole- burden of Gora, she felt, rested on herself alone. And as luck would have it, the refractoriness or this Gora of hers was far from ordinary! It was no easy task to keep his presence anywhere from violently obtruding itself.
She had so far succeeded in bringing up this crazy Gora of hers, in the midst of these antagonistic surroundings, with the exercise of constant vigilance by day and by night. In the midst of this hostile family she had submitted to much revilement and had endured much sorrow, without being able to ask any one else to share it.
Deserted by Mohim, Anandamoyi remained sitting in silence before the window, and watched Krishnadayal return from his morning bath with the sacred Ganges clay smeared on his brow, his breast and his arms, muttering sacred mantras. While so purified, no one, not even Anandamoyi, was allowed to come near him. Prohibition, prohibition, nothing but prohibition!
With a sigh she left the wirfdow and went into Mohim’s room, where she found him sitting on the floor, reading the newspaper and having his chest rubbed with oil by his servant, preparatory to his morning bath. Anandamoyi said to him: “ Mohim, you must find some one to go with me, I want to see Gora. He seems to have made up his mind to go to gaol, but I suppose they’ll allow me to see him before he’s sentenced? ” For all Mohim’s outward brusqucncss, he had a real affec¬ tion for Gora. “ Confound the fellow! ” he shouted. “ Let the scamp go to gaol— it’s a wonder he didn’t get there long ago! ” But all the same he lost no time in calling his con¬ fidential man, Ghosal, and sending him off at onco with some money for legal expenses; also making up his mind that if his office master gave him leave, and the mistress of his house her consent, he himself would follow.
Anandamoyi knew that Mohim would never be able to see Gora in trouble without best irring himself about it, and when she found he was ready to do tlie little that could be done, she had no more to say to him. For she also knew that it would be impossible to get any member of this orthodox household to take her, the lady of the house, to the lock-up where Gora was, to face the curious glances and inquisitive remarks of the crowd. So she forbore to press her request, and returned to her own room with compressed lips and the XXXIII GORA shadow of suppressed pain in her eyes. When Lachmiya broke out into loud wailing she rebuked her and sent her out of the room. It had always been her habit to adjust all her anxieties silently within herself. Joy and sorrow alike found her tranquil. The travail of her heart was known only to her God.
What consolation ho could offer to Anandamoyi was inoro than Binoy could make out and after the first few words ho had remained silent. In fact her nature did not depend on any worths of comfort from others; rather she shrank from any discussion of troubles for which there was no remedy. So Anandamovi also did not refer further to the matter but simply said: Binu, I sec you haven’t had your bath yet. Go and make yourself ready soon, it’s getting late for your breakfast.”
When he had taken his bath and sat down to his breakfast, the empty place beside Binoy made her heart ache for Gora; and when she thought of the ’other being served with coarse gaol food, unsweetened by a mother’s care, even made doubly bitter by insulting gaol regulations, Anandamoyi could no longer bear it, and, making some excuse, sho had to leave the room.
CHAPTER XXXIII On arriving home and finding Lolita there so unexpectedly, Parcsh Babu guessed that this self-willed girl of his had got involved in more than ordinary trouble. In answer to his look of inquiry she said: “ Father, I’ve come away from there. I found it impossible to stay on.” In answer to his question as to what had happened, Lolita added: “ The Magistrate has put Gour Babu into gaol.”
How Gora came to be mixed up in the matter, Paresh Babu was at first puzzled to make out, but after he had heard from Lolita a full account of all that had occurred, he for a while was lost in silent thought. His first anxiety was for Gora's mother. It was just as easy, he pondered, for the Magistrate to sentence Gora as to sentence a common thief, because such callousness was the outcome of the easy disregard for justice to which he had become habituated. How much more terrible was man’s tyranny over man than all the other cruelties in the world, and how vast and intolerable it had become with the combined power of Society and the Government behind GORA CITAP.
it! The whole thing came vividly before his mind as he listened to the story of Gora’s imprisonment.
Seeing Parcsh Babu silent and thoughtful, Lolita asked him eagerly: “ Isn’t this injustice terrible, father? ” He replied in his usual unrulllcd manner: “ Wc don’t know exactly how far Gora went, but this much at least we can say, that even if Gora was carried away, by his convictions, beyond his legal rights, there can be no doubt that lie is quite in¬ capable of committing what in English is called a crime. But what is to be done, my child? The sense of justice of our times bus not attained to fulness of wisdom. The same penalty awaits the trivial fault as the crime, both have to tread the same mill in the same gaol. No one man can be blamed for this— the combined sin of all men is responsible.”
Suddenly changing the subject, Parcsh Babu asked: “ With whom did you come? ” Lolita drew herself up as she replied with rather more than usual emphasis: “ With Binoy Babu.” But, for all her emphasis, there was behind it a sense of weakness. She was unable to make the statement with unabashed simplicity, the flush of shame insisted on rising to her face, to add to her confusion.
Parcsh Babu had for this capricious and unruly daughter of his even more affection than for the rest of his children, and his regard for her fearless truthfulness was all the greater because it so often got her into trouble with the rest of the family. Lolita’s faults were obvious enough, and he could sec how they prevented this special quality of hers from being appreciated — he was therefore all the more careful to keep it under his fostering care, lest in the process of bringing her waywardness under control her inner nobility should also be crushed.
The beauty of his other daughters was readily acknowledged by all who saw them, for their features were regular and their complexion fair. But Lolita was darker and her more com¬ plex face admitted of differences of opinion. For this reason Mistress Baroda had always expressed to her husband her anxiety about finding a suitable husband for her. But the beauty which Parcsh Babu saw in her face was not that of complexion or features, but of the soul which there found its expression, — not just the pleasantness of a faultless shape, but the firmness of strength, the brightness of independence, — characteristics which attract a chosen few, but repel most others.
XXXIII GORA XXXIII GORA Feeling that Lolita would never be popular, but always be genuine, Paresh Cabu had drawn her near to him almost with painful solicitude, and was the more lenient towards her errors because he knew that none else would forgive them. He had realised in a moment all that she would have to bear for days to come, as soon as Lolita had told him that she had come away alone with Binoy — that Society would award for this slight transgression of hers a punishment suited to much worse misconduct.
As he was revolving the situation in his mind, Lolita con¬ tinued: “ Father, I know I’ve done wrong, but I’ve now come to understand one thing clearly — the relationship between the Magistrate and the people of our country is such that his patronising hospitality docs us no honour. Ought I to have stayed on there, and put up with such patronage, after I had realised this? ” To Paresh Babu the question was not an easy one to answer, so without attempting any reply he gave his little madcap of a daughter a playful pat on the head.
That afternoon Paresh Babu was walking up and down outside the house, thinking it all over, when Binoy came up and made his obeisance. Paresh Babu discussed with him Gora’s imprisonment and all that it meant, at considerable length, but he never so much as referred to Binoy’s coming away with Lolita on the steamer. And as it got dark he said: “ Come, Binoy, let’s go indoors.”
But Binoy would not, saying: “ I must be going home Paresh Babu did not repeat his invitation, and Binoy, casting a rapid glance in tnc direction of the second floor verandah, walked slowly away.
Lolita had seen Binoy from the verandah, and when her father came inside alone, she came down to his room thinking that Binoy would be following later. But as Binoy did not come, Lolita, after fidgeting a while with the books aud papers on the table, was about to leave the room, when Paresh Babu called her back, and with an affectionate look at her downcast countenance said: “ Lolita, sing a hymn to me, will you? ” and with that he shifted the lump, so as to throw the light off her faoe.
GORA CHAP.
CHAPTER XXXIV The next day Mistress Baroda returned with the rest of her party.
Haran felt so outraged at Lolita’s conduct that, unable to contain himself, he came in at once to see Paresh Babu, without going to his own house first.
Baroda swept past Lolita without a word, too indignant even to look at her, and went straight to her own room.
Labonya and Lila were also greatly incensed with Lolita, because, on having to leave both her and Binoy out of the programme, it became so curtailed that they had experienced endless humiliation.
As for Sucharita, she had shared neither Huron's angry fulminations, nor Baroda’s tearful regrets, nor the sense of humiliation of Labonya and Lila, but had maintained an icy silence and gone about her appointed tasks like a machine. To-day, also, she entered the room last of all, moving like an automaton.
Sudhir was so ashamed of the part he had played, that he shrank from coming in with them at all; whereupon Labonya, vexed at his unresponsivencss to her entreaties, vowed she would have nothing more to do with him!
“ This is too bad! ” exclaimed Haran as he strode into Paresh Babu’s room.
Lolita, who overheard him from the next room, came in at once and, standing behind her father with both hands on the back of his chair, looked Haran straight in the face.
“ I have heard all about what happened from Lolita herself,” said Paresh Babu, “ and do not think there’s any good in discussing it further.”
Haran regarded the habitual calm of Paresh Babu only as a sign of his weakness of character, so he replied with a touch of superciliousness: “ What has happened is over certainly, but the fault of character which caused it still persists, and so its discussion remains necessary. It would never have been possible for Lolita to do as she has done, but for the over- indulgence which you have always shown her. What harm you have thus done you will realise when you hear all the details of the shameful story! ” Paresh Babu, feeling all the signs of a gathering storm at the back of his chair, drew Lolita round to his side and, taking her hand in his, said to Haran with a gentle smile: “ Panu XXXIV GORA Babu, when your turn cornea you will learn that to bring up a child there is need also of affection! ” Lolita, bending over her father and putting one arm round his neck, whispered in his car: “ Father, the water is getting cold, go and take your bath.”
“ I’ll be going in a minute,” replied Paresh Babu meaningly, referring to Haran's presence, “ it’s not so late yet.” ^ “ Don't you worry, father,” Lolita gently insisted. ‘ "W e 11 look after Panu Babu while you are bathing.”
When Paresh Babu had left the room, Lolita took possession of his chair and, ensconced firmly thereiu, fixed her gaze on Haran’s face as she said to him: “ You seem to think that you have, the right to say what you please to everybody here I ” Sucharita knew Lolita well, and in former days she would have taken alarm at the look on her face. But now she quietly took a scat near the window and calmly rested her eyes on the open pages of a book. It had always been Sucharita’s nature and habit to keep herself under control, and the repeated wounds she had suffered during the past few days had only made her more silent than ever. But the strain of this silence had at length come near breaking-point, making her welcome Lolita’s challenge to Haran as Ja much- needed outlet for her own pent-up feelings.
“ I suppose you think,” went on Lolita, “ that you under¬ stand father’s duty to us better than he does himself! You would be Headmaster to the whole Brahmo Samaj! ”