cogitare, meminisse me generi mei, meminisse amicitiae, potuisse, * * * * * Page 319 which I assure you will be ours as soon as Caesar arrives. What your friends' hopes are, when they have lost Spain, is more than I know; and what your idea is in joining them, when they have no hopes, is more than I can imagine.
What you hinted at without speaking plainly, Caesar had heard, and as soon as ever he had said "good day," he told me what he had heard about you. I said I knew nothing about it: but I asked him to send you a letter as the best means of inducing you to stay. He is taking me with him to Spain. If he were not, I should have hurried to you, before going to Rome, wherever you might have been, and should have pressed this view on you personally and done all in my power to restrain you.
Once more and yet once more, Cicero, think before you utterly destroy yourself and all your family: do not wittingly and with your eyes open put yourself in a position from which you see there is no escape. But, if you are moved by the call of the conservative party, or if you cannot endure the insolence and arrogant behaviour of certain persons, I think you should choose some town remote from the war, until the matter is settled: and settled it will be at once. If you do that, I shall consider you have acted wisely, and Caesar will not be offended.
X CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
How blind I am not to have foreseen it! I send you Antony's letter.
I have often written to him that I planned nothing against Caesar's policy, that I was mindful of my son-in-law, of our friendship, * * * * * Page 320 si aliter sentirem, esse cum Pompeio; me autem, quia cum lictoribus invitus cursarem, abesse velle, nec id ipsum certum etiam nunc habere, vide, quam ad haec παραινετικῶς: "Tuum consilium quam verum est. Nam, qui se medium esse vult, in patria manet, qui proficiscitur, aliquid de altera utra parte iudicare videtur. Sed ego is non sum, qui statuere debeam, iure quis proficiscatur necne; partes mihi Caesar has imposuit, ne quem omnino discedere ex Italia paterer. Quare parvi refert me probare cogitationem tuam, si nihil tamen tibi remittere possum. Ad Caesarem mittas censeo et ab eo hoc petas. Non dubito, quin impetraturus sis, cum praesertim te amicitiae nostrae rationem habiturum esse pollicearis."
Habes σκυτάλην Λακωνικήν. Omnino excipiam hominem. Erat autem v Nonas venturus vesperi, id est hodie. Cras igitur ad me fortasse veniet.
Temptabo, audiam: nihil properare; missurum ad Caesarem. Clam agam, cum paucissimis alicubi occultabor, certe hinc istis invitissimis evolabo, atque utinam ad Curionem! Σύνες ὅ τοι λέγω. Magnus dolor accessit.
Efficietur aliquid dignum nobis.
Δυσουρία tua mihi valde molesta. Medere, amabo, * * * * * Page 321 that, if I had thought otherwise, I could have been with Pompey, that I wished to leave Italy because I was loth to wander about with my lictors, though I had not made up my mind definitely even to that. See in what an _ex cathedra_ tone he answers me:--"Your policy is quite right. For a man who wishes to be neutral remains in his country; the man who leaves his country seems to express his conviction on one side or the other; but it is not for me to determine, whether anyone has the right to leave or not. The part Caesar has given me is not to let anyone at all leave Italy; so it is of little use for me to approve your plan, if all the same I cannot make an exception for you. I think you should send to Caesar and ask him this favour. I have no doubt that you will succeed, especially as you promise not to forget our friendship."
That is a laconic epistle.[146] I will certainly take my cue from the man. He is to come on the evening of the 3rd, that is to-day. To-morrow therefore he will perhaps come to me. I will sound him: I will hear him: say I am in no hurry: that I will send to Caesar. I will act secretly, with a very few attendants I will lie hidden somewhere; but assuredly, however unwilling these people are, I will fly off; and would that it may be to Curio! "Mark what I say."[147] Another great grief has come upon me. I will do something worthy of my reputation.
[146] Lit. "Laconian staff." Spartan dispatches were wound round a staff in such a way that they could not be read when taken off it.
Here, however, Cicero only refers to their brevity.
[147] Probably a quotation from Pindar, _Frag._ 105.
Your malady gives me grave anxiety. I pray you * * * * * Page 322 dum est ἀρχή. De Massiliensibus gratae tuae mihi litterae. Quaeso, ut sciam, quicquid audieris. Ocellam cuperem, si possem palam, quod a Curione effeceram, Hic ego Servium exspecto; rogor enim ab eius uxore et filio, et puto opus esse. Hic tamen Cytherida secum lectica aperta portat, alteram uxorem. Septem praeterea coniunctae lecticae amicarum sunt an amicorum. Vide, quam turpi leto pereamus, et dubita, si potes, quin ille, seu victus seu victor redierit, caedem facturus sit. Ego vero vel luntriculo, si navis non erit, eripiam me ex istorum parricidio. Sed plura scribam, cum illum convenero.
Iuvenem nostrum non possum non amare, sed ab eo nos non amari plane intellego. Nihil ego vidi tam ἀνηθοποίητον, tam aversum a suis, tam nescio quid cogitans. O vim incredibilem molestiarum! Sed erit curae, et est, ut regatur. Mirum est enim ingenium, ἤθους ἐπιμελητέον.
XI CICERO ATTICO SAL.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in Cumano IV Non. Mai. a 705_] Obsignata iam epistula superiore, non placuit ei dari, cui constitueram, quod erat alienus. Itaque eo die data non est. Interim venit Philotimus et mihi * * * * * Page 323 get medical advice in its initial stage. Your letter about the Massilians[148] pleased me. Let me know whatever you hear. I should have liked to have Ocella, if it could be done openly, and I had got Curio to allow it. Here I am awaiting Servius Sulpicius, for it is at the request of his wife and son, and I think it is necessary. Antony carries about Cytheris[149] with him in an open litter as his second wife, and besides he had seven other litters of friends male or female.
See what a disgraceful death we die, and doubt, if you can, that, whether Caesar returns victor or vanquished, he will perpetrate a massacre. Even in an open boat, if I cannot get a vessel, I will tear myself away from these parricides and their doings. But I will write more when I have met him.
[148] They had shut their gates to Caesar and were being besieged.
[149] An actress.
My nephew I cannot but love, though I see clearly that he has no affection for me. I never saw anyone so unprincipled, so averse to his own relations, with such mysterious plans. What a weight of anxiety!
But it will be my business, as it is now, to discipline him: he has wonderful ability, but his character requires training.
XI CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
After sealing my former letter, I did not feel inclined to hand it to the person that I had intended, as he was a stranger; so it was not despatched on that day. Meantime Philotimus came and gave me * * * * * Page 324 a te litteras reddidit. Quibus quae de fratre meo scribis, sunt ea quidem parum firma, se habent nihil ὕπουλον, nihil fallax, nihil non flexibile ad bonitatem, nihil, quod non, quo velis, uno sermone possis perducere; ne multa, omnes suos, etiam quibus irascitur crebrius, tamen caros habet, me quidem se ipso cariorem. Quod de puero aliter ad te scripsit et ad matrem de filo, non reprehendo. De itinere[150] et de sorore quae scribis, molesta sunt, eoque magis, quod ea tempora nostra sunt, ut ego iis mederi non possim. Nam certe mederer; sed, quibus in malis et qua in desperatione rerum simus, vides.
Illa de ratione nummaria non sunt eius modi (saepe enim audio ex ipso), ut non cupiat tibi praestare et in eo laboret. Sed, si mihi Q. Axius in hac mea fuga HS X̅I̅I̅I̅ non reddit, quae dedi eius filio mutua, et utitur excusatione temporis, si Lepta, si ceteri, soleo mirari, de nescio quis HS X̅X̅ cum audio ex illo se urgeri. Vides enim profecto angustias. Curari tamen ea tibi utique iubet. An existimas illum in isto genere lentulum aut restrictum? Nemo est minus. De fratre satis.
De eius iuvene filio, indulsit illi quidem suus pater semper, sed non facit indulgentia mendacem aut avarum aut non amantem suorum, ferocem fortasse atque arrogantem et infestum facit. Itaque habet haec quoque, quae nascuntur ex indulgentia, sed ea sunt tolerabilia (quid enim dicam?) hac inventute; ea vero, * * * * * Page 325 a letter from you. The conduct of my brother about which you write shows little firmness, but no chicanery, no treachery, nothing inflexibly opposed to goodness, nothing that cannot be turned where you will by a single conversation. In short all his relations, even those with whom he is so often angry, are nevertheless dear to him, and I to be sure am dearer than life. I do not blame him for writing in one strain about his boy to you and in another to the boy's mother. I am distressed by what you say about the journey and your sister, and the more so because the times are such that I cannot remedy the matter. For certainly I would have done so: but you see in what trouble I am, what desperation.
[Sidenote: 13,000 sesterces] [Sidenote: 20,000 sesterces] As for his financial affairs, I often hear from him, and they are not in such a state as to prevent him from being anxious to pay you and from making efforts to that end: but if Q. Axius does not pay me in this my flight the £100 I lent his son, and pleads in excuse the state of the times, and if Lepta and others do the same, I confess I am always surprised to hear from Quintus that he is pressed for some £175. For of course you see his straits. However he has ordered the sum to be paid to your account. Perhaps you suppose that he is slow or close-fisted in money matters. No one is less so: but enough about my brother.
As for his son, the father has certainly always indulged him; but indulgence does not make him a liar or a miser or disloyal to his friends, though it does perhaps make him surly, haughty and aggressive.
Accordingly he has these defects which are due to spoiling; but they are not intolerable, shall I say, as young men go nowadays. But the defects which, to * * * * * Page 326 quae mihi quidem, qui illum amo, sunt his ipsis malis, in quis sumus, miseriora, non sunt ab obsequio nostro. Nam suas radices habent; quas tamen evellerem profecto, si liceret. Sed ea tempora sunt, ut omnia mihi sint patienda. Ego meum facile teneo; nihil est enim eo tractabilius. Cuius quidem misericordia languidiora adhuc consilia cepi, et, quo ille me certiorem vult esse, eo magis timeo, ne in eum exsistam crudelior.
Sed Antonius venit heri vesperi. Iam fortasse ad me veniet, aut ne id quidem, quoniam scripsit, quid fieri vellet. Sed scies continuo, quid actum sit. Nos iam nihil nisi occulte.
De pueris quid agam? parvone navigio committam? Quid mihi animi in navigando censes fore? Recordor enim, aestate cum illis illo Rhodiorum ἀφράκτῳ navigans quam fuerim sollicitus; quid duro tempore anni actuariola fore censes? O rem undique miseram!
Trebatius erat mecum, vir plane et civis bonus. Quae ille monstra, di immortales! Etiamne Balbus in senatum venire cogitet? Sed ei ipsi cras ad te litteras dabo. Vettienum mihi amicum, ut scribis, ita puto esse.
Cum eo, quod ἀποτόμως ad me scripserat de nummis curandis, θυμικώτερον eram iocatus. Id tu, si ille aliter acceperit ac debuit, lenies.
"MONETALI" autem adscripsi, quod ille ad me "PRO COS." Sed, quoniam est homo et nos diligit, ipse quoque a nobis diligatur. Vale.
* * * * * Page 327 me at any rate who love him, are more distressing than even the evils on which we have fallen, do not proceed from any indulgence of mine; for they are deep rooted: but I would have rooted them up, had I been allowed. But the times are such that I must bear everything. My own son I control easily. He is quite tractable. My own policy has lacked vigour owing to my pity for him; and the more he wants me to be unflinching, the more I fear I may prove cruel to him.
Well Antony came yesterday evening; soon perhaps he will visit me, perhaps not even that, as he has written what he wanted done; but you shall know forthwith what has happened. All I do now is done secretly.
What shall I do about the boys? Shall I entrust them to a small boat?
What courage do you suppose I shall have on the voyage? For I remember sailing in the summer in an open Rhodian boat with them and how anxious I was; and how do you suppose it will be in the bad season in a tiny pinnace? Misery everywhere!
Trebatius is with me, a real man and a loyal citizen. Ye gods, what awful news he brings! So even Balbus is thinking of attending the Senate! But I will give Trebatius himself a letter for you to-morrow. I agree with your letter that Vettienus is friendly to me. But I made a rather bitter jest at his expense, because he wrote curtly to me about paying my debt. Appease him, if he took it in bad part. I addressed him by his title "commissioner of the mint" because he addressed me as "proconsul." But since he is a good man and has affection for me, let me keep my affection for him. Farewell.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in Cumano III Non. Mai. a. 705_] Quidnam mihi futurum est, aut quis me non solum infelicior, sed iam etiam turpior? Nominatim de me sibi imperatum dicit Antonius, nec me tamen ipse adhuc viderat, sed hoc Trebatio narravit. Quid agam nunc, cui nihil procedit, caduntque ea, quae diligentissime sunt cogitata, taeterrime? Ego enim Curionem nactus omnia me consecutum putavi. Is de me ad Hortensium scripserat. Reginus erat totus noster. Huic nihil suspicabamur cum hoc mari negotii fore. Quo me nunc vertam? Undique custodior. Sed satis lacrimis. Παρακλεπτέον igitur et occulte in aliquam onerariam corrependum, non committendum, ut etiam compacto prohibiti videamur. Sicilia petenda. Quam si erimus nacti, maiora quaedam consequemur. Sit modo recte in Hispaniis! Quamquam de ipsa Sicilia utinam sit verum! Sed adhuc nihil secundi. Concursus Siculorum ad Catonem dicitur factus, orasse, ut resisteret, omnia pollicitos; commotum illum dilectum habere coepisse. Non credo, ut est luculentus auctor. Potuisse certe teneri illam provinciam scio. Ab Hispaniis autem iam audietur.
Hic nos C. Marcellum habemus, eadem vere cogitantem aut bene simulantem; quamquam ipsum non videram, sed ex familiarissimo eius audiebam. Tu, quaeso, si quid habebis novi; ego, si quid moliti erimus, ad te statim scribam. Quintum filium severius * * * * * Page 329 XII CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
What is to happen to me? Who is there more ill-starred, or even more humiliated? Antony says he has received orders about me definitely. Yet I have not seen him myself so far; but he told Trebatius. What can I do now? Nothing succeeds and all my best laid plans fail abominably.
For, when I had won over Curio, I imagined I had attained my end. He had written about me to Hortensius. Reginus was wholly my friend. I never suspected that Antony had anything to do with this part of the sea. Whither can I turn now? Everywhere I am watched. But enough of lamentation. I must steal away and creep privily into some cargo boat; I must not allow it to appear that I connive at being hindered. I must go to Sicily. If I once get there, I shall have greater ends in view.
If only all goes well in Spain! However, I do hope the news about Sicily may prove true! Hitherto I have had no luck. It is said the Sicilians have gathered round Cato, prayed him to resist and promised every support: and that he has been induced to begin making a levy. I don't believe it, good as the authority is. I know for a fact that that province could have been held. But we shall soon hear from Spain.
Here I have C. Marcellus, who holds the same views as myself or makes a good pretence of doing so. I have not indeed met him myself; but I hear it from one of his most intimate friends. Write to me, if you have any news. If I attempt anything, I shall inform you at once. Young Quintus I shall handle * * * * * Page 330 adhibebo. Utinam proficere possim! Tu tamen eas epistulas, quibus asperius de eo scripsi, aliquando concerpito, ne quando quid emanet; ego item tuas. Servium exspecto, nec ab eo quicquam ὑγιές. Scies, quicquid erit.
XIIa CICERO ATTICO SAL.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in Cumano prid. Non. Mai. a. 705_] Sine dubio errasse nos confitendum est. "At semel, at una in re." Immo omnia quo diligentius cogitata eo facta sunt imprudentius.
Ἀλλὰ τὰ μὲν προτετύχθαι ἐάσομεν ἀχνύμενοί περ, in reliquis modo ne ruamus. Iubes de profectione me providere. Quid provideam? Ita patent omnia, quae accidere possunt, ut, ea si vitem, sedendum sit cum dedecore et dolore, si neglegam, periculum sit, ne in manus incidam perditorum. Sed vide, quantis in miseriis simus. Optandum interdum videtur, ut aliquam accipiamus ab istis quamvis acerbam iniuriam, ut tyranno in odio fuisse videamur. Quodsi nobis is cursus, quem speraram, pateret, effecissem aliquid profecto, ut tu optas et hortaris, dignum nostra mora. Sed mirificae sunt custodiae, et quidem ille ipse Curio suspectus. Quare vi aut clam agendum est et, si vi, fortiter cum tempestate.[151] Clam autem istis? In quo si quod σφάλμα, vides, quam turpe sit. Trahimur, nec fugiendum, si quid violentius.
[151] et si vi forte ne cum pestate _M_: et si vi forte et cum tempestate _Ant._, _F._ _I have adopted Orelli's reading; but it is very uncertain._ * * * * * Page 331 with severity. I hope my efforts may succeed. But please some time tear up the letters in which I criticize him severely, for fear anything ever come to light. I will tear up yours. Servius Sulpicius I am still awaiting, nor do I hear anything satisfactory from him. You shall know whatever happens.
XIIa CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Undoubtedly I must admit I have been mistaken. But is it once only or on one topic? No, in everything. The more carefully I have thought, the less wisely have I done. "Let bygones be bygones."[152] In the future only let us not invite disaster. You bid me provide for my journey.
What can I provide? All the possible accidents are so obvious, that, if I would shun them, I must sit still in shame and grief: and, if I disregard them, it is odds that I fall into the hands of villains. But see how miserable I am. Sometimes it seems preferable that I should receive some damage however bitter from Caesar's party, that people may see I am hated by the tyrant. But, if the voyage for which I hoped were open to me, certainly, as you wish and advise, I should have done something to justify delay. But I am watched with extraordinary care and even Curio is suspect. So I must make a bold move or use craft. If a bold move, I need good weather: but, if craft, should there be any _faux pas_, you see how disgraced I should be. I am carried away by circumstances and must not be afraid of a bold course.
[152] Iliad xvii, 112, "But what is past though grieved we will let be."
* * * * * Page 332 De Caelio saepe mecum agito nec, si quid habuero tale, dimittam.
Hispanias spero firmas esse. Massiliensium factum cum ipsum per se luculentum est, tum mihi argumento est recte esse in Hispaniis. Minus enim auderent, si aliter esset, et scirent; nam et vicini et diligentes sunt. Odium autem recte animadvertis significatum in theatro. Legiones etiam has, quas in Italia assumpsit, alienissimas esse video. Sed tamen nihil inimicius quam sibi ipse. Illud recte times, ne ruat. Si desperarit, certe ruet. Quo magis efficiendum aliquid est, fortuna velim meliore, animo Caeliano. Sed primum quidque. Quod qualecumque erit, continuo scies. Nos iuveni, ut rogas, suppeditabimus et Peloponnesum ipsam sustinebimus. Est enim indoles, modo aliquod hoc sit ἦθος ΑΚΙΜΟΑΟΝ.[153] Quod si adhuc nullum est, esse tamen potest, aut ἀρετὴ non est διδακτόν, quod mihi persuaderi non potest.
[153] _The text here is corrupt and no convincing emendation has been suggested._ XIII CICERO ATTICO SAL.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in Cumano Non. Mai. a. 705_] Epistula tua gratissima fuit meae Tulliae et me hercule mihi. Semper speculam aliquam adferunt tuae litterae. Scribes igitur, ac, si quid ad spem poteris, ne dimiseris. Tu Antoni leones pertimescas cave. Nihil est illo homine iucundius. Attende πρᾶξιν πολιτικοῦ.
* * * * * Page 333 I often reflect about Caelius; and if I have such an opportunity, I will not let it go. I hope Spain is safe. The action of the Massilians is praiseworthy in itself, and is a proof to me that things are going well in Spain. They would have been less bold, if it were otherwise, and they should know, for they live near and are watchful. You are right to remark the expression of popular feeling in the theatre. Even the legions which Caesar got in Italy seem to me to be very disloyal to him. However he is his own worst enemy. You are right to fear that he may run amuck. Assuredly he will, if he loses hope. That is all the more inducement for me to do something in the spirit of Caelius, and I hope with better luck. But everything in due course; and, whatever it be, I will inform you forthwith. I will do all for young Quintus that is necessary, and will undertake the task not only of Arcadia but of the whole Peloponnese.[154] He is able, if only he had character.
However, if he has none so far, he may get it, or virtue is not teachable, and that I can never believe.
[154] Cf. x, 5.
XIII CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Your letter was very pleasing to my daughter and of course to me, for your correspondence always brings a gleam of hope. So please write, and, if you can be hopeful, don't fail to be so. Don't be too much afraid of Antony's lions.[155] He is a jovial fellow. Just hear [155] Plutarch and Pliny state that after Pharsalia Antony had a chariot drawn by lions: but from this passage it appears that the story was current earlier.
* * * * * Page 334 Evocavit litteris e municipiis decem primos et IIII viros. Venerunt ad villam eius mane. Primum dormiit ad h. III, deinde, cum esset nuntiatum venisse Neapolitanos et Cumanos (his enim est Caesar iratus), postridie redire iussit; lavari se velle et περὶ κοιλιολυσίαν γίνεσθαι. Hoc here effecit. Hodie autem in Aenariam transire constituit. Exsulibus reditum pollicetur.
Sed haec omittamus, de nobis aliquid agamas. A Q. Axio accepi litteras.
De Tirone gratum. Vettienum diligo. Vestorio reddidi. Servius pr.
Nonas Maias Menturnis mansisse dicitur, hodie in Liternino mansurus apud C. Marcellum. Cras igitur nos mature videbit mihique dabit argumentum ad te epistulae. Iam enim non reperio, quod tibi scribam.
Illud admiror, quod Antonius ad me ne nuntium quidem, cum praesertim me valde observarit. Videlicet aliquid atrocius de me imperatum est. Coram negare mihi non vult, quod ego nec rogaturus eram nec, si impetrassem, crediturus. Nos tamen aliquid excogitabimus. Tu, quaeso, si quid in Hispaniis. Iam enim poterit audiri, et omnes ita exspectant, ut, si recte fuerit, nihil negotii futurum putent. Ego autem nec retentis iis confectam rem puto, neque amissis desperatam. Silium et Ocellam et ceteros credo retardatos. Te quoque a Curtio impediri video. Etsi, ut opinor, habes ἔκπλουν.[156] * * * * * Page 335 how he plays the statesman. He summoned by letter ten leading men and the board of four from the municipal towns. They came to his country house in the morning. First he slept till nine. Then, when he heard the men had come from Naples and Cumae (for Caesar is angry with them), he bade them return on the next day, saying that he wished to take a bath and a laxative. This he did yesterday. But to-day he has arranged to cross to Aenaria. He is promising the exiles[157] that they shall return.
But let us pass over this and talk about ourselves. I got a letter from Q. Axius. As for Tiro, thanks. I like Vettienus. I have repaid Vestorius. Servius is said to have stopped at Menturnae on the 6th of May. To-day he will stop with C. Marcellus in his villa at Liternum.
To-morrow early he will see me, and will give me a subject for a letter to you. Just now I can find nothing to write. I am much astonished that Antony has not even sent a messenger to me, especially when he has paid me much attention. I suppose he has some more truculent order about me.
He does not wish to refuse me to my face, but I was not going to ask the favour, nor, if I had got it, should I have believed him. However I will think out some plan. Let me know if anything has happened in Spain; for now there is time for news to have come, and everybody awaits it with the idea, that, if all go well there, there will be no more trouble. But I do not think the business is over, if Spain be kept, nor yet hopeless, if it be lost. Silius and Ocella and the rest I suppose are detained. I see that you too are hindered by Curtius, though I think you have a passport.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in Cumano VIII Id. Mai. a. 705_] O vitam miseram, maiusque malum tam diu timere, quam est illud ipsum, quod timetur! Servius, ut antea scripsi, cum venisset Nonis Maiis, postridie ad me mane venit. Ne diutius te teneam, nullius consilii exitum invenimus. Numquam vidi hominem perturbatiorem metu; neque hercule quicquam timebat, quod non esset timendum; illum sibi iratum, hunc non amicum; horribilem utriusque victoriam, cum propter alterius crudelitatem, alterius audaciam tum propter utriusque difficultatem pecuniariam; quae erui nusquam nisi ex privatorum bonis posset.
Atque haec ita multis cum lacrimis loquebatur, ut ego mirarer eas tam diuturna miseria non exaruisse. Mihi quidem etiam lippitudo haec, propter quam non ipse ad te scribo, sine ulla lacrima est, sed saepius odiosa est propter vigilias. Quam ob rem, quicquid habes ad consolandum, collige et illa scribe, non ex doctrina neque ex libris (nam id quidem domi est, sed nescio quo modo imbecillior est medicina quam morbus), haec potius conquire de Hispaniis, de Massilia; quae quidem satis bella Servius adfert; qui etiam de duabus legionibus luculentos auctores esse dicebat. Haec igitur, si habebis, et talia. Et quidem paucis diebus aliquid audiri necesse est.
Sed redeo ad Servium. Distulimus omnino sermonem in posterum, sed tardus ad exeundum "multo se * * * * * Page 337 XIV CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
What a wretched life this is! and to be so long afraid is more wretched than the very thing one fears! Servius, as I told you before, came on the 7th of May and on the next morning visited me. Not to detain you longer, we could not see our way to a plan. Never have I seen a man more upset with fear; and upon my soul he feared nothing that did not deserve to be feared. He pointed out that Pompey was angry with him, that Caesar was not friendly, that the victory of either would be terrible, both because Pompey was cruel and Caesar daring, and because of their money difficulties, which could only be got rid of by an attack on private property. He bewailed all this with such a flood of tears, that I was surprised they had not dried up in all that long time of misery. My own eyes do not shed one single tear, though this inflammation prevents me from writing to you; but it is often tiresome by keeping me awake. So please collect all the consolation you can and send it to me--not from philosophy or books--I have plenty of that, but I find somehow that the cure is too weak for the disease. Search rather for any news about Spain or Massilia. What Servius says about them is quite satisfactory, and he also tells me there is excellent authority for the story of the two legions. News of this kind then send me, if you get it, and such like topics. Anyhow in a few days something must be heard.
But to return to Servius. We deferred all our conversation to the next day: but he is reluctant to leave Italy, declaring he would much rather die in * * * * * Page 338 in suo lectulo malle, quicquid foret." Odiosus scrupulus de filii militia Brundisina. Unum illud firmissime adseverabat, si damnati restituerentur, in exsilium se iturum. Nos autem ad haec "et id ipsum certo fore, et, quae iam fierent, non esse leviora," multaque colligebamus. Verum ea non animum eius augebant, sed timorem, ut iam celandus magis de nostro consilio quam adhibendus videretur. Quare in hoc non multum est. Nos a te admoniti de Caelio cogitabimus.
XV CICERO ATTICO SAL.
[Sidenote: _Scr. in Cumano IV Id. Mai. a. 705_] Servius cum esset apud me, Cephalio cum tuis litteris VI Idus venit; quae nobis magnam spem attulerunt meliorum rerum de octo cohortibus.
Etenim eae quoque, quae in his locis sunt, labare dicuntur. Eodem die Funisulanus a te attulit litteras, in quibus erat confirmatius idem illud. Ei de suo negotio respondi cumulate cum omni tua gratia.
Adhuc non satis faciebat; debet autem mihi multos nummos nec habetur locuples. Nunc ait se daturum; cui expensum tulerit, morari; tabellariis, si apud te esset qua satis fecisset, dares. Quantum sit, Eros Philotimi tibi dicet. Sed ad maiora redeamus.
Quod optas, Caelianum illud maturescit. Itaque torqueor, utrum ventum exspectem. Vexillo opus est; convolabunt. Quod suades, ut palam, prorsus adsentior, itaque me profecturum puto. Tuas tamen * * * * * Page 339 his bed whatever happens. He has unpleasant scruples about his son's military service at Brundisium. On one point he is quite firm, that, if the condemned are restored, he will go into exile. I for my part replied "that will certainly happen, and what is happening is equally disagreeable," and I quoted many examples. My examples however did not increase his courage but his fear: so that it appears I must rather conceal from him my design than invite him to share it. He is not to be depended on. By your advice I will consider about Caelius.
XV CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
While Servius was with me, Cephalio came with your letter of the 10th, which gave me great hope of better news about the eight cohorts. For even the cohorts which are here are said to be wavering. On the same day Funisulanus brought me a letter from you, corroborating the same news. I gave him a full reply about his business, explaining all your kindness. Hitherto he has not been satisfactory; and he owes me a large sum and is not considered safe. Now he says that he will settle; but that a debtor of his was slow in paying, and that you are to pay the money by your letter-carriers, if that debtor has deposited it with you. The amount Philotimus' man Eros will tell you. But to return to more important matters.
That Caelian plan you favour is coming to a head: so I am worried whether to await a favourable wind. It is a standard we want, and men will flock to it. With your advice, that I should set sail openly, I entirely agree: and so I think I will set out. However * * * * * Page 340 interim litteras exspecto. Servi consilio nihil, expeditur. Omnes captiones in omni sententia occurrunt. Unum C. Marcellum cognovi timidiorem; quem consulem fuisse paenitet. Ὢ πολλῆς ἀγεννείας! qui etiam Antonium confirmasse dicitur, ut me impediret, quo ipse, credo, honestius. Antonius autem VI Idus Capuam profectus est. Ad me misit, se pudore deterritum ad me non venisse, quod me sibi suscensere putaret.
Ibitur igitur et ita quidem, ut censes, nisi cuius gravioris personae suscipiendae spes erit ante oblata. Sed vix erit tam cito. Allienus autem praetor putabat aliquem, si ego non, ex collegis suis. Quivis licet, dum modo aliquis.
De sorore laudo. De Quinto puero datur opera; spero esse meliora. De Quinto fratre scito eum non mediocriter laborare de versura, sed adhuc nihil a L. Egnatio expressit. Axius de duodecim milibus pudens! Saepe enim ad me scripsit, ut Gallio, quantum is vellet, darem. Quodsi non scripsisset, possemne aliter? Et quidem saepe sum pollicitus, sed tantum voluit cito. Me vero adiuvarent his in angustiis. Sed di istos!
Verum alias. Te a quartana liberatum gaudeo itemque Piliam. Ego, dum panis et cetera in navem parantur, excurro in Pompeianum. Vettieno velim gratias, quod studiosus sit; si quemquam nanctus eris, qui perferat, litteras des, antequam discedimus.
* * * * * Page 341 I await a letter from you meanwhile. Servius' advice has not been helpful. All sorts of bars meet us in every opinion he expresses. Only one man, C. Marcellus, have I known to be more timid, and he is sorry he was ever a consul. What a lowborn spirit! He is said even to have strengthened Antony's resolution to prevent my departure: so that his own conduct I suppose may appear more honourable. Antony started for Capua on the 10th, sending word that shame prevented his visiting me, because he thought I was annoyed with him. So I shall go, and openly as you advise, unless hope of playing a more important part shall offer.
But that can scarcely occur so soon. Allienus the praetor thought one of his colleagues would be chosen,[158] if I were not. Let it be anyone they like so long as it is some one.
[158] As peace delegate.
As to your sister, I approve. As for young Quintus, I am doing my best, and I hope things are better. As for my brother Quintus, you must know that he is taking extraordinary pains to borrow money to settle his debt; but so far has squeezed nothing out of L. Egnatius. Axius is modest about the £100[159]: for he often requested in his letters that I should pay Gallius as much as he wanted. Even if he had not written, could I have helped it? I have often promised indeed; but he wanted so much at once. They should have helped me rather in my difficulties,