virtue." One day after listening to a couple of lawyers disputing, he condemned them both, saying that the one had no doubt stolen, but the other had not lost anything. To the question what wine he found pleasant to drink, he replied, "That for which other people pay."
When he was told that many people laughed at him, he made answer, "But I am not laughed down."
When some one declared that life is an evil, he corrected him: "Not life itself, but living ill."
When he was advised to go in pursuit of his runaway slave, he replied, "It would be absurd, if Manes can live without Diogenes, but Diogenes cannot get on without Manes." When breakfasting on olives amongst which a cake had been inserted, he flung it away and addressed it thus: Stranger, betake thee from the princes' path. Eur. Phoen.
40.
And on another occasion thus: He lashed an olive. Hom. Il. v. 366, viii. 45. In the Homeric lines, however, e)la/an is a verb in the infinitive mood: "he lashed the steeds to make them run."
Being asked what kind of hound he was, he replied, "When hungry, a Maltese; when full, a Molossian --two breeds which most people praise, though for fear of fatigue they do not venture out hunting with them. So neither can you live with me, because you are afraid of the discomforts."
Being asked if the wise eat cakes, "Yes," he said, "cakes of all kinds, just like other men." Being asked why people give to beggars but not to philosophers, he said, "Because they think they may one day be lame or blind, but never expect that they will turn to philosophy." He was begging of a miserly man who was slow to respond; so he said, "My friend, it's for food that I'm asking, not for funeral expenses." Being reproached one day for having falsified the currency, he said, "That was the time when I was such as you are now; but such as I am now, you will never be." To another who reproached him for the same offence he made a more scurrilous repartee.
On coming to Myndus and finding the gates large, though the city itself was very small, he cried, "Men of Myndus, bar your gates, lest the city should run away." Seeing a man who had been caught stealing purple, he said: Fast gripped by purple death and forceful fate. Il. v. 83.
When Craterus wanted him to come and visit him, "No," he replied, "I would rather live on a few grains of salt at Athens than enjoy sumptuous fare at Craterus's table." He went up to Anaximenes the rhetorician, who was fat, and said, "Let us beggars have something of your paunch; it will be a relief to you, and we shall get advantage." And when the same man was discoursing, Diogenes distracted his audience by producing some salt fish. This annoyed the lecturer, and Diogenes said, "An obol's worth of salt fish has broken up Anaximenes' lecture-class."
Being reproached for eating in the market-place, "Well, it was in the market-place," he said, "that I felt hungry." Some authors affirm that the following also belongs to him: that Plato saw him washing lettuces, came up to him and quietly said to him, "Had you paid court to Dionysius, you wouldn't now be washing lettuces," and that he with equal calmness made answer, "If you had washed lettuces, you wouldn't have paid court to Dionysius." When some one said, "Most people laugh at you," his reply was, "And so very likely do the asses at them; but as they don't care for the asses, so neither do I care for them." One day observing a youth studying philosophy, he said, "Well done, Philosophy, that thou divertest admirers of bodily charms to the real beauty of the soul."
When some one expressed astonishment at the votive offerings in Samothrace, his comment was, "There would have been far more, if those who were not saved had set up offerings." But others attribute this remark to Diagoras of Melos. To a handsome youth, who was going out to dinner, he said, "You will come back a worse man." When he came back and said next day, "I went and am none the worse for it," Diogenes said, "Not Worse-man (Chiron), but Lax-man (Eurytion)." As Chiron was the wisest and best, so Eurytion was the most intemperate, of the Centaurs: "Eurytion, ebriosus ille Centaurus" (Menagius). He was asking alms of a bad-tempered man, who said, "Yes, if you can persuade me." "If I could have persuaded you," said Diogenes, "I would have persuaded you to hang yourself."
He was returning from Lacedaemon to Athens; and on some one asking, "Whither and whence?" he replied, "From the men's apartments to the women's."
He was returning from Olympia, and when somebody inquired whether there was a great crowd, "Yes," he said, "a great crowd, but few who could be called men." Libertines he compared to figtrees growing upon a cliff: whose fruit is not enjoyed by any man, but is eaten by ravens and vultures. When Phryne set up a golden statue of Aphrodite in Delphi, Diogenes is said to have written upon it: "From the licentiousness of Greece."
Alexander once came and stood opposite him and said, "I am Alexander the great king." "And I," said he, "am Diogenes the Cynic." Literally "Diogenes the Hound"; cf. ii. § 66. Being asked what he had done to be called a hound, he said, "I fawn on those who give me anything, I yelp at those who refuse, and I set my teeth in rascals."
He was gathering figs, and was told by the keeper that not long before a man had hanged himself on that very fig-tree. "Then," said he, "I will now purge it." Seeing an Olympian victor casting repeated glances at a courtesan, "See," he said, "yonder ram frenzied for battle, how he is held fast by the neck fascinated by a common minx." Handsome courtesans he would compare to a deadly honeyed potion. He was breakfasting in the marketplace, and the bystanders gathered round him with cries of "dog." "It is you who are dogs," cried he, "when you stand round and watch me at my breakfast." When two cowards hid away from him, he called out, "Don't be afraid, a hound is not fond of beetroot."
After seeing a stupid wrestler practising as a doctor he inquired of him, "What does this mean? Is it that you may now have your revenge on the rivals who formerly beat you?" Seeing the child of a courtesan throw stones at a crowd, he cried out, "Take care you don't hit your father."
A boy having shown him a dagger that he had received from an admirer, Diogenes remarked, "A pretty blade with an ugly handle." When some people commended a person who had given him a gratuity, he broke in with "You have no praise for me who was worthy to receive it." When some one asked that he might have back his cloak, "If it was a gift," replied Diogenes, "I possess it; while, if it was a loan, I am using it." A supposititious son having told him that he had gold in the pocket of his dress, "True," said he, "and therefore you sleep with it under your pillow."
On being asked what he had gained from philosophy, he replied, "This at least, if nothing else--to be prepared for every fortune." Asked where he came from, he said, "I am a citizen of the world." If this answer is authentic, it apparently shows that the famous term "cosmopolitan" originated with Diogenes. Certain parents were sacrificing to the gods, that a son might be born to them. "But," said he, "do you not sacrifice to ensure what manner of man he shall turn out to be?" When asked for a subscription towards a club, he said to the president: Despoil the rest; off Hector keep thy hands.
There is no such line in our mss. of Homer; it is unknown to the Scholiasts and to Eustathius. Joshua Barnes, in his edition of the Iliad, introduced it as xvi. 82a. Pope rendered it, about 1718, as follows ( Il. xvi. 86): "Rage uncontrolled through all the hostile crew, But touch not Hector, Hector is my due."
In Clarke's edition of 1740 it is expelled from the text and relegated to a footnote. J. H. Voss, however, making a German translation of the Iliad, probably between 1781 and 1793, still regarded it as Homeric, but found a fresh place for it, after xvi.
90.
The mistresses of kings he designated queens; for, said he, they make the kings do their bidding. When the Athenians gave Alexander the title of Dionysus, he said, "Me too you might make Sarapis." "Sarapis" was represented, like Pluto, as seated with an animal by his side having the head of a dog, lion, or wolf combined (according to Baumeister) in "a three-headed Cerberus." Some one having reproached him for going into dirty places, his reply was that the sun too visits cesspools without being defiled.
When he was dining in a temple, and in the course of the meal loaves not free from dirt were put on the table, he took them up and threw them away, declaring that nothing unclean ought to enter a temple. To the man who said to him, "You don't know anything, although you are a philosopher," he replied, "Even if I am but a pretender to wisdom, that in itself is philosophy." When some one brought a child to him and declared him to be highly gifted and of excellent character, "What need then," said he, "has he of me?" Those who say admirable things, but fail to do them, he compared to a harp; for the harp, like them, he said, has neither hearing nor perception. He was going into a theatre, meeting face to face those who were coming out, and being asked why, "This," he said, "is what I practise doing all my life."
Seeing a young man behaving effeminately, "Are you not ashamed," he said, "that your own intention about yourself should be worse than nature's: for nature made you a man, but you are forcing yourself to play the woman." Observing a fool tuning a psaltery, "Are you not ashamed," said he, "to give this wood concordant sounds, while you fail to harmonize your soul with life?" To one who protested that he was ill adapted for the study of philosophy, he said, "Why then do you live, if you do not care to live well?"
To one who despised his father, "Are you not ashamed," he said, "to despise him to whom you owe it that you can so pride yourself?"
Noticing a handsome youth chattering in unseemly fashion, "Are you not ashamed," he said, "to draw a dagger of lead from an ivory scabbard?"
Being reproached with drinking in a tavern, "Well," said he, "I also get my hair cut in a barber's shop." Being reproached with accepting a cloak from Antipater, he replied: The gods' choice gifts are nowise to be spurned. Il. iii.
65.
When some one first shook a beam at him and then shouted "Look out," Diogenes struck the man with his staff and added "Look out." To a man who was urgently pressing his suit to a courtesan he said, "Why, hapless man, are you at such pains to gain your suit, when it would be better for you to lose it?" To one with perfumed hair he said, "Beware lest the sweet scent on your head cause an ill odour in your life." He said that bad men obey their lusts as servants obey their masters.
The question being asked why footmen are so called, he replied, "Because they have the feet of men, but souls such as you, my questioner, have." He asked a spendthrift for a mina. The man inquired why it was that he asked others for an obol but him for a mina. "Because," said Diogenes, "I expect to receive from others again, but whether I shall ever get anything from you again lies on the knees of the gods." Being reproached with begging when Plato did not beg, "Oh yes," says he, "he does, but when he does so-- He holds his head down close, that none may hear." Od. i. 157, iv.
70.
Seeing a bad archer, he sat down beside the target with the words "in order not to get hit." Lovers, he declared, derive their pleasures from their misfortune.
Being asked whether death was an evil thing, he replied, "How can it be evil, when in its presence we are not aware of it?" When Alexander stood opposite him and asked, "Are you not afraid of me?" "Why, what are you?" said he, "a good thing or a bad?" Upon Alexander replying "A good thing," "Who then," said Diogenes, "is afraid of the good?" Education, according to him, is a controlling grace to the young, consolation to the old, wealth to the poor, and ornament to the rich. When Didymon, who was a rake, was once treating a girl's eye, "Beware," says Diogenes, "lest the oculist instead of curing the eye should ruin the pupil." On somebody declaring that his own friends were plotting against him, Diogenes exclaimed, "What is to be done then, if you have to treat friends and enemies alike?"
Being asked what was the most beautiful thing in the world, he replied, "Freedom of speech." On entering a boys' school, he found there many statues of the Muses, but few pupils. "By the help of the gods," said he, "schoolmaster, you have plenty of pupils." It was his habit to do everything in public, the works of Demeter and of Aphrodite alike. He used to draw out the following arguments. "If to breakfast be not absurd, neither is it absurd in the market-place; but to breakfast is not absurd, therefore it is not absurd to breakfast in the marketplace."
Behaving indecently in public, he wished "it were as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly." Many other sayings are attributed to him, which it would take long to enumerate. §§ 70-73. As § 74 joins on well to § 69, the intermediate specimens of Cynic maxims( cf. note on § 10) are clearly an insertion, probably from a different source.
He used to affirm that training was of two kinds, mental and bodily: the latter being that whereby, with constant exercise, perceptions are formed such as secure freedom of movement for virtuous deeds; and the one half of this training is incomplete without the other, good health and strength being just as much included among the essential things, whether for body or soul. And he would adduce indisputable evidence to show how easily from gymnastic training we arrive at virtue. For in the manual crafts and other arts it can be seen that the craftsmen develop extraordinary manual skill through practice. Again, take the case of flute-players and of athletes: what surpassing skill they acquire by their own incessant toil; and, if they had transferred their efforts to the training of the mind, how certainly their labours would not have been unprofitable or ineffective.
Nothing in life, however, he maintained, has any chance of succeeding without strenuous practice; and this is capable of overcoming anything. Accordingly, instead of useless toils men should choose such as nature recommends, whereby they might have lived happily. Yet such is their madness that they choose to be miserable. For even the despising of pleasure is itself most pleasurable, when we are habituated to it; and just as those accustomed to a life of pleasure feel disgust when they pass over to the opposite experience, so those whose training has been of the opposite kind derive more pleasure from despising pleasure than from the pleasures themselves. This was the gist of his conversation; and it was plain that he acted accordingly, adulterating currency in very truth, allowing convention no such authority as he allowed to natural right, and asserting that the manner of life he lived was the same as that of Heracles when he preferred liberty to everything.
He maintained that all things are the property of the wise, and employed such arguments as those cited above. All things belong to the gods. The gods are friends to the wise, and friends share all property in common; therefore all things are the property of the wise. Again as to law: that it is impossible for society to exist without law; for without a city no benefit can be derived from that which is civilized. But the city is civilized, and there is no advantage in law without a city; therefore law is something civilized. He would ridicule good birth and fame and all such distinctions, calling them showy ornaments of vice. The only true commonwealth was, he said, that which is as wide as the universe. He advocated community of wives, recognizing no other marriage than a union of the man who persuades with the woman who consents. And for this reason he thought sons too should be held in common.
And he saw no impropriety either in stealing anything from a temple or in eating the flesh of any animal; nor even anything impious in touching human flesh, this, he said, being clear from the custom of some foreign nations. Moreover, according to right reason, as he put it, all elements are contained in all things and pervade everything: since not only is meat a constituent of bread, but bread of vegetables; and all other bodies also, by means of certain invisible passages and particles, find their way in and unite with all substances in the form of vapour. This he makes plain in the Thyestes, if the tragedies are really his and not the work of his friend Philiscus of Aegina or of Pasiphon, the son of Lucian, It has been conjectured that the Pasiphon meant was the philosopher of Eretria, to whom Persaeus attributed the composition of spurious Socratic Dialogues ( v. supra, ii. 61). Modern scholars incline to regard him as the author of the *pi/nac attributed to Cebes by D. L. ii. 125 (v. Susemihl, Griechische Literatur in der Alexandrinerzeit, i.
Wilamowitz conjectures that *loukia nou= has displaced the local adjective of his birthplace. who according to Favorinus in his Miscellaneous History wrote them after the death of Diogenes. He held that we should neglect music, geometry, astronomy, and the like studies, as useless and unnecessary.
He became very ready also at repartee in verbal debates, as is evident from what has been said above.
Further, when he was sold as a slave, he endured it most nobly. For on a voyage to Aegina he was captured by pirates under the command of Scirpalus, "Harpalus" according to Cic. N.D. iii.
34. 83. conveyed to Crete and exposed for sale. When the auctioneer asked in what he was proficient, he replied, "In ruling men." Thereupon he pointed to a certain Corinthian with a fine purple border to his robe, the man named Xeniades above-mentioned, and said, "Sell me to this man; he needs a master." Thus Xeniades came to buy him, and took him to Corinth and set him over his own children and entrusted his whole household to him. And he administered it in all respects in such a manner that Xeniades used to go about saying, "A good genius has entered my house."
Cleomenes in his work entitled Concerning Pedagogues says that the friends of Diogenes wanted to ransom him, whereupon he called them simpletons; for, said he, lions are not the slaves of those who feed them, but rather those who feed them are at the mercy of the lions: for fear is the mark of the slave, whereas wild beasts make men afraid of them. The man had in fact a wonderful gift of persuasion, so that he could easily vanquish anyone he liked in argument. At all events a certain Onesicritus of Aegina is said to have sent to Athens the one of his two sons named Androsthenes, and he having become a pupil of Diogenes stayed there ; the father then sent the other also, the aforesaid Philiscus, who was the elder, in search of him; but Philiscus also was detained in the same way.
When, thirdly, the father himself arrived, he was just as much attracted to the pursuit of philosophy as his sons and joined the circle--so magical was the spell which the discourses of Diogenes exerted. Amongst his hearers was Phocion surnamed the Honest, and Stilpo the Megarian, and many other men prominent in political life.
Diogenes is said to have been nearly ninety years old when he died. Regarding his death there are several different accounts. One is that he was seized with colic after eating an octopus raw and so met his end. Another is that he died voluntarily by holding his breath. This account was followed by Cercidas of Megalopolis (or of Crete), who in his meliambics writes thus: Not so he who aforetime was a citizen of Sinope, That famous one who carried a staff, doubled his cloak, and lived in the open air.
But he soared aloft with his lip tightly pressed against his teeth And holding his breath withal. For in truth he was rightly named Diogenes, a true-born son of Zeus, a hound of heaven.
Another version is that, while trying to divide an octopus amongst the dogs, he was so severely bitten on the sinew of the foot that it caused his death. His friends, however, according to Antisthenes in his Successions of Philosophers, conjectured that it was due to the retention of his breath. For he happened to be living in the Craneum, the gymnasium in front of Corinth. When his friends came according to custom and found him wrapped up in his cloak, they thought that he must be asleep, although he was by no means of a drowsy or somnolent habit. They therefore drew aside his cloak and found that he was dead. This they supposed to have been his deliberate act in order to escape thenceforward from life.
Hence, it is said, arose a quarrel among his disciples as to who should bury him: nay, they even came to blows; but, when their fathers and men of influence arrived, under their direction he was buried beside the gate leading to the Isthmus. Over his grave they set up a pillar and a dog in Parian marble upon it.
Subsequently his fellow-citizens honoured him with bronze statues, on which these verses were inscribed: Time makes even bronze grow old: but thy glory, Diogenes, all eternity will never destroy.
Since thou alone didst point out to mortals the lesson of self-sufficingness and the easiest path of life. Anth. Pal. xvi. 334.
We too have written on him in the proceleusmatic metre: a. Diogenes, come tell me what fate took you to the world below?
d. A dog's savage tooth. Anth. Pal. vii.
116.
But some say that when dying he left instructions that they should throw him out unburied, that every wild beast might feed on him, or thrust him into a ditch and sprinkle a little dust over him. But according to others his instructions were that they should throw him into the Ilissus, in order that he might be useful to his brethren.
Demetrius in his work On Men of the Same Name asserts that on the same day on which Alexander died in Babylon Diogenes died in Corinth. He was an old man in the 113th Olympiad. 324-321 b.c.
The following writings are attributed to him. Dialogues: Cephalion.
Ichthyas.
Jackdaw.
Pordalus.
The Athenian Demos.
Republic.
Art of Ethics.
On Wealth.
On Love.
Theodorus.
Hypsias.
Aristarchus.
On Death.
Letters.
Seven Tragedies: Helen.
Thyestes.
Heracles.
Achilles.
Medea.
Chrysippus.
Oedipus.
Sosicrates in the first book of his Successions, and Satyrus in the fourth book of his Lives, allege that Diogenes left nothing in writing, and Satyrus adds that the sorry tragedies are by his friend Philiscus, the Aeginetan. Sotion in his seventh book declares that only the following are genuine works of Diogenes: On Virtue, On Good, On Love, A Mendicant, Tolmaeus, Pordalus, Casandrus, Cephalion, Philiscus, Aristarchus, Sisyphus, Ganymedes, Anecdotes, Letters.
There have been five men who were named Diogenes.
The first, of Apollonia, a natural philosopher. The beginning of his treatise runs thus: "At the outset of every discourse, methinks, one should see to it that the basis laid down is unquestionable." The second--of Sicyon--who wrote an "Account of Peloponnesus." The third, our present subject. The fourth, a Stoic born at Seleucia, who is also called the Babylonian, because Seleucia is near Babylon. The fifth, of Tarsus, author of a work on poetical problems, which he attempts to solve.
Now the philosopher is said by Athenodorus in the eighth book of his Walks to have always had a sleek appearance owing to his use of unguents. Cf. Epictet.
Chapter 3. MONIMUS (fourth century B.C.)
Monimus of Syracuse was a pupil of Diogenes ; and, according to Sosicrates, he was in the service of a certain Corinthian banker, to whom Xeniades, the purchaser of Diogenes, made frequent visits, and by the account which he gave of his goodness in word and deed, excited in Monimus a passionate admiration of Diogenes. For he forthwith pretended to be mad and proceeded to fling away the small change and all the money on the banker's table, until at length his master dismissed him; and he then straightway devoted himself to Diogenes. He often followed Crates the Cynic as well, and embraced the like pursuits; whereupon his master, seeing him do this, was all the more persuaded that he was mad.
He came to be a distinguished man; so much so that he is even mentioned by the comic poet Menander. At any rate in one of his plays, The Groom, his words are: One Monimus there was, a wise man, Philo, But not so very famous.
a. He, you mean, Who carried the scrip ?
b. Nay, not one scrip, but three.
Yet never a word, so help me Zeus, spake he To match the saying, Know thyself, nor such Famed watchwords. Far beyond all these he went, Your dusty mendicant, pronouncing wholly vain All man's supposings.
Monimus indeed showed himself a very grave moralist, so that he ever despised mere opinion and sought only truth.
He has left us, besides some trifles blended with covert earnestness, two books, On Impulses and an Exhortation to Philosophy.
Chapter 4. ONESICRITUS (flor. 330 B.C.)
Onesicritus some report to have been an Aeginetan, but Demetrius of Magnesia says that he was a native of Astypalaea. He too was one of the distinguished pupils of Diogenes. His career seems to have resembled that of Xenophon; for Xenophon joined the expedition of Cyrus, Onesicritus that of Alexander; and the former wrote the Cyropaedia, or Education of Cyrus, while the latter has described how Alexander was educated: the one a laudation of Cyrus, the other of Alexander. And in their diction they are not unlike: except that Onesicritus, as is to be expected in an imitator, falls short of his model.
Amongst other pupils of Diogenes were Menander, who was nicknamed Drymus or "Oakwood," a great admirer of Homer; Hegesias of Sinope, nicknamed "Dog-collar"; and Philiscus of Aegina mentioned above.
Chapter 5. CRATES (of Thebes, flor.
326 B.C.)
Crates, son of Ascondas, was a Theban. He too was amongst the Cynic's famous pupils. Hippobotus, however, alleges that he was a pupil not of Diogenes, but of Bryson Not the same as Bryson of Heracleia, whom we know from the Platonic Epistles, from Aristotle, and from Athenaeus (xi. p. 508). He may, however, have been the disciple of Pythagoras mentioned by Iamblichus ( Vita Pyth. c.
23). the Achaean. The following playful lines are attributed to him Anth. Plan. v. 13.
: There is a city Pera in the midst of wine-dark vapour, Fair, fruitful, passing squalid, owning nought, Into which sails nor fool nor parasite Nor glutton, slave of sensual appetite, But thyme it bears, garlic, and figs and loaves, For which things' sake men fight not each with other, Nor stand to arms for money or for fame.
There is also his widely circulated day-book, which runs as follows: Set down for the chef ten minas, for the doctor One drachma, for a flatterer talents five, For counsel smoke, for mercenary beauty A talent, for a philosopher three obols.
He was known as the "Door-opener"--the caller to whom all doors fly open--from his habit of entering every house and admonishing those within. Here is another specimen of his composition Anth. Pal. vii. 326.: That much I have which I have learnt and thought, The noble lessons taught me by the Muses: But wealth amassed is prey to vanity.
And again he says that what he has gained from philosophy is A quart of lupins and to care for no one.
This too is quoted as his Anth. Pal. ix. 497.: Hunger stops love, or, if not hunger, Time, Or, failing both these means of help,--a halter.
He flourished in the 113th Olympiad. 328-324 b.c.
According to Antisthenes in his Successions, the first impulse to the Cynic philosophy was given to him when he saw Telephus in a certain tragedy carrying a little basket and altogether in a wretched plight. So he turned his property into money,--for he belonged to a distinguished family,--and having thus collected about 200 talents, distributed that sum among his fellow-citizens. And (it is added) so sturdy a philosopher did he become that he is mentioned by the comic poet Philemon. At all events the latter says: In summer-time a thick cloak he would wear To be like Crates, and in winter rags.
Diocles relates how Diogenes persuaded Crates to give up his fields to sheep pasture, and throw into the sea any money he had.
In the home of Crates Alexander is said to have lodged, as Philip once lived in Hipparchia's. Often, too, certain of his kinsmen would come to visit him and try to divert him from his purpose. These he would drive from him with his stick, and his resolution was unshaken. Demetrius of Magnesia tells a story that he entrusted a banker with a sum of money on condition that, if his sons proved ordinary men he was to pay it to them, but, if they became philosophers, then to distribute it among the people: for his sons would need nothing, if they took to philosophy. Eratosthenes tells us that by Hipparchia, of whom we shall presently speak, he had a son born to him named Pasicles, and after he had ceased to be a cadet on service, Crates took him to a brothel and told him that was how his father had married.
The marriage of intrigue and adultery, he said, belonged to tragedy, having exile or assassination as its rewards; while the weddings of those who take up with courtesans are material for comedy, for as a result of extravagance and drunkenness they bring about madness.
This man had a brother named Pasicles, who was a disciple of Euclides.
Favorinus, in the second book of his Memorabilia, tells a pleasant story of Crates.
For he relates how, when making some request of the master of the gymnasium, he laid hold on his hips; and when he demurred, said, "What, are not these hip-joints yours as much as your knees?" It was, he used to say, impossible to find anybody wholly free from flaws; but, just as in a pomegranate, one of the seeds is always going bad. Having exasperated the musician Nicodromus, he was struck by him on the face. So he stuck a plaster on his forehead with these words on it, "Nicodromus's handiwork."
He carried on a regular campaign of invective against the courtesans, habituating himself to meet their abuse.
When Demetrius of Phalerum sent him loaves of bread and some wine, he reproached him, saying, "Oh that the springs yielded bread as well as water!" It is clear, then, that he was a water-drinker. When the police-inspectors found fault with him for wearing muslin, his answer was, "I'll show you that Theophrastus also wears muslin."
This they would not believe: so he led them to a barber's shop and showed them Theophrastus being shaved. At Thebes he was flogged by the master of the gymnasium--another version being that it was by Euthycrates and at Corinth; and being dragged by the heels, he called out, as if it did not affect him Hom. Il. i. 591.: Seized by the foot and dragged o'er heaven's high threshold: Diocles, however, says that it was by Menedemus of Eretria that he was thus dragged. For he being handsome and being thought to be intimate with Asclepiades the Phliasian, Crates slapped him on the side with a brutal taunt; whereupon Menedemus, full of indignation, dragged him along, and he declaimed as above.
Zeno of Citium in his Anecdotes relates that in a fit of heedlessness he sewed a sheepskin to his cloak. He was ugly to look at, and when performing his gymnastic exercises used to be laughed at. He was accustomed to say, raising his hands, "Take heart, Crates, for it is for the good of your eyes and of the rest of your body.
You will see these men, who are laughing at you, tortured before long by disease, counting you happy, and reproaching themselves for their sluggishness." He used to say that we should study philosophy to the point of seeing in generals nothing but donkey-drivers. Those who live with flatterers he declared to be as defenceless as calves in the midst of wolves; for neither these nor those have any to protect them, but only such as plot against them. Perceiving that he was dying, he would chant over himself this charm, "You are going, dear hunchback, you are off to the house of Hades,--bent crooked by old age." For his years had bowed him down.
When Alexander inquired whether he would like his native city to be rebuilt, his answer was, "Why should it be?
Perhaps another Alexander will destroy it again." Ignominy and Poverty he declared to be his country, which Fortune could never take captive. He was, he said, a fellow-citizen of Diogenes, who defied all the plots of envy. Menander alludes to him in the Twin Sisters in the following lines: Wearing a cloak you'll go about with me, As once with Cynic Crates went his wife: His daughter too, as he himself declared, He gave in marriage for a month on trial.
We come now to his pupils.
Metrocles of Maroneia was the brother of Hipparchia. He had been formerly a pupil of Theophrastus the Peripatetic, and had been so far corrupted by weakness that, when he made a breach of good manners in the course of rehearsing a speech, it drove him to despair, and he shut himself up at home, intending to starve himself to death. On learning this Crates came to visit him as he had been asked to do, and after advisedly making a meal of lupins, he tried to persuade him by argument as well that he had committed no crime, for a prodigy would have happened if he had not taken the natural means of relieving himself. At last by reproducing the action he succeeded in lifting him from his dejection, using for his consolation the likeness of the occurrences. From that time forward Metrocles was his pupil, and became proficient in philosophy.
Hecato in the first book of his Anecdotes tells us he burned